of orchids and such

new beginnings: semper augustus.

2009-01-02T08:39:00.000-08:00

in the spirit of the shedding-of the-old, embracing-of-the-new attitude of the season, i'm going to largely (but not completely) abandon my journaling here on of orchids and such. this is part of a new year shift that began for me earlier this year that i'd like to continue with into 2009. this shift includes reading more, writing more letters, being more intentional about investing in tangible relationships wherever in the world i might find myself, and generally spending less time piddling around on the web. i've begun a stripped-down variation over at wordpress, which will be less commentary about me and my life and more about linking to current events news, other blogs, and miscellaneous interestings. it's also possible that i'm going to begin writing literature reviews for captain obvious, in an effort to get his indie kids into reading books of substance, so keep your eyes peeled there as well.

i'll leave you with the tracklist for this year's mix. i've titled it 'semper augustus', in honor of a beautiful, extinct flower, and maybe for other reasons as well... i'll be making the mix available online for select friends and relations.
to those of you i love and cherish, enjoy.

semper.augustus

1. "Walking" - The Dodos
2. "Souveniers" - Architecture in Helsinki
3. "Wedding Dress" - Samamidon
4. "Oh, La" - Ra Ra Riot
5. "Blood" - The Middle East
6. "Whole Wide World" - Wreckless Eric
7. "Alone Again Or" - Love
8. "Anna" - Hello Saferide
9. "Eraser" - No Age
10. "Ain't No Sunshine" - Bill Withers
11. "RoboCop" - Kanye West
12. "California Stars" - Billy Bragg and Wilco
13. "Furr" - Blitzen Trapper
14. "Dreaming of Me" - Depeche Mode
15. "Willow Tree" - Chad VanGaalen
16. "On Tour With Zykos" - Okkervil River
17. "The Modern Leper" - Frightened Rabbit
18. "1981" - The Tough Alliance

l'abri autumn 2008

2008-11-03T07:13:00.000-08:00

so it's been rather difficult to get in much blogging time here at l'abri. most of the time i have to pay to use the internet, and i'm intentional and brief when i do get on this thing. however, i've spent this afternoon uploading some photos for your viewing pleasure.

my time here at l'abri has been (insert a thousand adjectives) eventful. i've come through a difficult time of work and vocation exploration, and now have begun reading books i want to read and having conversations i want to have, as opposed to feeling like i need to do these things (like i did when i first came). i think i've become less stressed and better at holding things in tension. if nothing else (and there are other things), i've learned this. now i'm looking forward to going home, but trying not to give too much head space to this and live here and drink in being here every day until i have to leave. i'm not sure what's next for me, but i think i'm okay with that for now.

sadly my absentee ballot never came in the mail, so i'll have to sit back and watch tomorrow's election unfold without contributing a vote of my own.
lord be with us all.

much love from beautiful switzerland. -b.

Mademoiselle DiCristina

2008-09-22T06:42:00.001-07:00

Lily Sofia DiCristina
Originally uploaded by Mark DiCristina

Meet Lily Sofia DiCristina. The newest addition to the DiCristina clan.

Lily was born to my brother and sister-in-law just before midnight on Monday, September 15. She weighed 9 lbs. 8 oz. at birth and was 21 inches long. She allegedly has long fingers and a dimple on one side (not sure which one!). Mother and child are healthy, and, as far as I can tell, Mark and Monica are loving being parents (and Mom and Dad, despite the unavoidable reality check, are loving being grandparents!). When I spoke to Mark the other day, he was saying things like "she's really cool", and "I'm not as tired as I thought I'd be." As much as it pains me to be away from family during these first moments of my first niece's life, I'm oh so grateful for the effortlessness of communication. It makes her delicacy, newness and beauty not seem quite so far away. What a miracle her life, and likewise all life, is. Even though I haven't held her, heard her, or really even seen her, I feel a gush of love for her. Mark, Michael and I never had a sister, and my parents never a daughter, so Ms. Lily will undoubtedly be one cherished and special little girl.

Here's to two proud parents, two proud grandparents, and two unspeakably proud uncles. Here's to new life, and to you, Lily Sofia. I love you and can't wait to meet you.

disappearing act.

2008-08-04T04:43:00.001-07:00

my niece.

2008-07-18T03:26:00.000-07:00

so as a result of my decision to stay on at l'abri as a helper for the fall term means that i won't be stateside for the birth of my neice, lily sophia dicristina. this is a big moment for my family (the first child of my brothers and i), and it pains me knowing that i won't be around for lily's arrival. i suppose i'm doing some pre-grieving and public acknowledgment that i feel terrible that i will miss the occasion.

the photo above was taken at the mac store in lausanne yesterday. the stupid computer wouldn't let me on the internet except for looking at apple.com, so i opened the 'mail' application and downloaded three months worth of emails onto the computer just to read a couple new ones. one of the emails i received was from mark (who, with my sister-in-law, are expecting in september), as he had taken several photos of their handsome pooch arthur with his fancy new camera. i stuck my favorite one on the desktop and smiled.

greatest show ever: sigur ros for free.

2008-07-13T06:05:00.000-07:00

so after my last post i mentioned that i would either be going to see paul simon in montreux or sigur ros in lausanne. several of you asked which show i ended up at, and i'm pleased to say that a friend and i both got into see sigur ros with just one ticket. before i saw them, i would have said that if i could see any band in the world, i'd see sigur ros. thankfully it lived up to my expectations. it was perhaps the best show i've ever been to. it was happy and sad and so beautiful. so here's the scoop:

i drove to lausanne with a friend who has a car, and we were totally lost in the city so we were asking people for directions and no one spoke english. so we ended up asking this guy and he was going to the show, which was crazy because we were on the total opposite end of the town and we'd have never found the venue without dude. we took him in our car and he told us that a friend of his might have a couple tickets. he called and said his friend only had one. so we waited around and a histerical woman sold us a ticket for the original price (60 francs) and waited for dude's friend to show up. ten minutes later his friend called and said his girlfriend would be coming with him and so he didn't have a ticket. mega let down. so we still had only one. we were begging and cajoling the security to just let us in or let us pay ticket price or something, but to no avail. so i told eric to go ahead and go in, and he did. fifteen minutes later he felt bad and came out and asked the security if i could go in if he came out. they reluctantly said yes, so i walked in. and i guess they had a flush of compassion, because they let eric back in after me. so i got in without a ticket to see sigur ros. in switzerland. it was amazing.

arvo part says that music should be thought of more as texture than structure. meaning that it should be a place for people to dwell, not just notes for people to appreciate the theory or aesthetic. i think this is what i like about sigur ros. i have no idea what they're saying, but i can feel the sheer emotion pulsing through so clearly, and it takes me up.

so beautiful.

this is a video of the show i took that night. it's the first couple minutes of 'saeglopur', which is one of my faves. make sure you turn your volume down before you play it, as it was quite loud inside the venue.

photographie.

2008-07-09T03:10:00.000-07:00

evening at the targets with magda.

another evening at the targets with a friend, curtis, from oklahoma.

one cold, cloudy day.

moonrise over the l'argentine ridge.

afternoon hike at solalex.

my temporary home. taken outside chalet chesalet, where i eat some of my meals.

lovely swiss cows, their bells ringing day and night.

downstairs at farel house, our library/chapel.

taken at la gourmandine the last time i posted. jongmoon (above at right) was teaching everyone a south korean game.

cousin magda! this was taken at the targets the night of her one-year anniversary. we drank ollon's finest pinot noir in memory of joel.

this is the view from my room, the first day i arrived.

so i've decided to stay on at l'abri as a helper for the fall term, which means i won't be back stateside until december. i don't know how it ended up that i came for ten days and will now be staying for six months, but it just did. lots of theology, philosophy, and vocation-specific exploration in the coming months. thanks to everyone for your prayers and well-wishes.

a friend from california has a car here, and this afternoon we're deciding which of two concerts to go to and try and scalp for tickets:

sigur ros in lausanne.
or
paul simon at the montreaux jazz festival.

my heart hurts at taking one over the other, but we shall see what eventualizes.

i must sign off for now, but i'll post more photos and life commentary soon...

much love, from la suisse.

wednesday evening rap session?

2008-06-18T11:46:00.000-07:00

i've been helping jasie digitize 50+ years of l'abri lectures that are on cassette tapes. today i came across one i was hoping would be legendary. sadly, it's not what i was expecting.

i promise to post more photos soon. it takes ages to load just one, and seeing as i'm paying for this service by the minute, i'm going to wait for a more opportune time.

much love, from la suisse.

surprise visit!

2008-06-06T14:48:00.000-07:00

so just before dinner tonight, i was walking into the kitchen when i heard kay shout, "magda!" realizing immediately that i've ever known one person called magda, i turned around and there was standing my cousin's cousin magda tigchelaar!

so my mother's brother married magda's father's sister. i guess we're not technically related, but it's still fun. neither of us knew that the other would be here, so it was an unexpected surprise. unfortunately she's only here until wednesday, but i'm glad to have another friendly face around for a few days. i'll post photos soon.

from la suisse: at last.

2008-06-05T06:16:00.000-07:00

dearest friends and relations,

greetings from huemoz! i've been trying to blog for three weeks, but the computer situation here isn't entirely compatible with sitting down and taking my time to write something thoughtful. at the moment i'm sitting with a few friends as la gourmandine, a classy creperie just above huemoz in the ski village of villars. they have free internet here, and a kiwi friend has graciously allowed me to hijack her computer for a few moments so that i can pen a few thoughts.

i had originally intended to stay here for just 10 days, which turned into two weeks, which turned into three weeks, which turned into three months. i can't imagine now what it would have been like to stay here for just ten days. getting situated in the community here, getting on and following a particular study path, developing a relationship with my tutor (may God be merciful to you, Richard!). there's a consistency and relationship that develops with time here, and it feels so freeing to be able to ask questions freely without (most of the time) people jumping down my throat in judgment. people are shuffling through here for a few days at a time pretty often, and i don't understand how they ever get anything done. for some reason it was difficult for me to decide to stay here the whole term (not for some reason: my pragmatic nature with regard to finances), but once i decided to stay i knew it was the best thing for me. L'Abri is french for 'the shelter', and i have found it a safe place to rest, refuel, and ask questions that bug me. it's wild for me to think about people in my family that have lived here for different stretches of time: my godmother gini who was here almost 50 years ago, my mother and uncle in the late 60's - early 70's, cousins and friends more recently. it's fun to think about where they all lived, ate, places they loved to take walks and think.

we have a great group of helpers and students here this term, and most of us get along really, really well. i got an email from gini last night after she remembered that an old friend of hers (and of L'Abri's) works at a home for learning challenged children near bern. apparently they make furniture and cultivate a garden there. gini seems to think that the garden might be therapeutic in nature, which would be really interesting to investigate. an aussie horticulturist friend and i are thinking about taking a day trip up (maybe hitching a ride with gian sandri) to get a feel for the happenings there.

so this term will ends july 21, and i couldn't get a flight out until august 12, so i'll have a few weeks to kick around after everyone leaves. i've been asked to house sit for family friends in huemoz, but i'd also like to spend time at the Taizé community in france. and maybe, if my time with max (in bern) goes well, it may well be enticing to spend time with him working with the children as well. we shall see...

the flower above is one of switzerland's countless wildflowers, fields of which are aplenty on and around the mountain where we live. sadly, they are mown down from time to time. to my shame, and against my will, i weed-wacked a hillside of them last week. i'm hoping they grow back soon. i don't know the name of the flower above, but i'll find out and post it next time.

À la prochaine.

on holiday.

2008-05-12T22:50:00.000-07:00

my last day of work.

2008-05-09T06:53:00.000-07:00

so, at long last, i have reached the end of my employment with florida's child welfare system. it's been a long, hard year. it's been challenging and overwhelming with occasional flashes of fruitfulness. i've talked with my friends and housemates about how i'm struggling to make peace with leaving my kids behind. on one hand, most of my cases are not demanding and will survive fine after i leave. on the other hand, i have a few kids that i'm (too) emotionally involved with, and they're cases are complex and they won't be taken care of after i leave. all the same, i feel i need to leave to keep my head above. i feel like leaving is the right decision, but i can't help feeling like i could have done more, especially on my most discouraging case that i still have no closure on. walking away from someone vulnerable is always unsettling.

but tomorrow is bright.

i'm going to spend some time at swiss l'abri and in sicily, and i'm looking forward to resting. i'm anticipating an eventual relocation for school, either later this year or early next year. but until then, i feel like there's so much fresh potential for positive change. there are a lot of areas of my life that are up in the air right now, and i'm excited about what my life will look like in a year's time.

i was arranging some songs on my computer this morning, and the last few lines of brett dennen's 'don't forget' struck me as appropriate for my separation anxiety on this last day of work:

don't be afraid, should things happen to change,
'cause change can be a beautiful thing.
should things fall apart
be patient like a rainbow,
life is loving and letting go.

hangin' tough.

2008-04-07T21:23:00.000-07:00

so i have no personal investment in kansas basketball other than having been the only person i know to have picked them to win the ncaa championship. the game was a nail-biter, going down to the last seconds in regulation with mario chalmers (above) hitting a three with mere seconds remaining to send the game to OT. kansas dominated thenceforth. i won my pool for the second year in a row and hopefully my friends and co-workers will pay up (ahem) this year. tonight was fun because i got to watch the game from beverly, massachusetts with my cousin andrew. he was initially antagonistic and eventually solidaritous (not really a word). my northeast tour has been a whirlwind, yet somehow refreshing voyage of meetings, tours, kind old friends, kind new friends, lavished hospitality, music, secret societies, pretending to have strokes, and my first tandem bike ride. and lots and lots of public transportation.

andrew and i are going to spend the day together tomorrow with wee henry. the report is that we're going to explore a beach somewhere north of here, and i'm hoping to seek out the best cappuccino in the land while we're at it. then listen to the red sox home opener with a cup of hot tea and several delightful friends before i head back to florida.

the quiet mary knew

2008-03-23T23:21:00.000-07:00

What they felt was this: Isn't it

Fantastically sweet beyond all other mysteries,

And yet immensely earthbound:

That he, slightly pale still from the grave,

Walked light as air toward her,

Risen in every particle of his being.

Oh it was to her first. Far beyond speech

They felt that healing.

Yes, healing was what it was

And there was no need for firm touch.

He laid for a second only

His hand, about to be

Eternal, on her woman's shoulder.

And they began

As quietly as trees in April,

Wholly mingled,

The new season

Of their deepest union

rilke's 'the quiet mary knew with the Risen Christ'. translation by robert bly.

The Lord is risen indeed! Alleluia!

Pietà

2008-03-22T11:58:00.000-07:00

after my last post, sarah sent me stephen spender's translation (available upon request) of Rilke's before the passion. i asked her if she would pass on his translation of the next poem in the life of the virgin mary series. i should have posted this on thursday, because Holy Saturday is traditionally seen as the day that Jesus laid in the tomb.

rainer maria rilke's pieta.

Now is my misery complete, and namelessly

it fills me up. I stare here as the stone's

existence stares.

Hard as I am, I know one thing:

You had grown up -

...... and had grown up

so that, as to much pain

and quite beyond the grasping of my heart,

you should stand out.

Now you lie straight across my lap,

now I can no longer any more

bear you.

until i started writing this, i forgot that i had the humbling experience of standing in St. Peters basilica years ago and (apart from other amazing things) cast eyes upon michelangelo's masterpiece.

may we use this last day in Lent to reflect on the darkness and hopelessness of a world without God and his grace.

thoughts from the weekend.

2008-03-17T22:15:00.000-07:00

i had another old friend who visited over the weekend. felisa dyrud is a part of the hervey clan, who are family friends from back in our virginia theological seminary days when i was just a few years old. the herveys were missionaries in chile' for nine years and then kazakhstan for four years. i think they've lived in many other places too, but i can't remember now. felisa is the second oldest child, and we were childhood chums because we were the same age.

fast-forward: felisa met her husband, peter dyrud, at the air force academy and they've been happily married for nearly two years. peter is now at the kennedy school of government (taught by, among others, samantha power), and they live not far from my cousins in cambridge. anyway, felisa is doing some training in biloxi, ms, for six weeks and came down to run the mcguires 5k with me this weekend. i'm proud to say that i kept pace with her, because felisa won the military women's heavy (35 lbs. on her back) category at he bataan death march last year! she brought some friends down as well, and we had chilled-out beachtimes all weekend.

i heard dad preach yesterday. first time in awhile. he gave a stirring sermon on walking in the way of the cross, which you can ready briefly about here.

i was recently given a thoughtful and wonderful gift-book called the winged energy of delight. it's a collection of poems translated by robert bly. persian poets, european poets, south american poets, most of whom i don't know. but they're all so good. one newly discovered poet that i've enjoyed getting to know is rainer maria rilke. rilke was a 19th century bohemian poet who wrote beautifully about nature and seemed to be a people-watcher. there's also an acute spirituality to his poems. he penned a series called the life of the virgin mary, which consists of thirteen poems, each one dedicated to a particular time in mary's life. i'll leave you with before the passion, which is particularly appropriate for Holy Week:

O did you want this, you should not have
come from the womb of a woman:
Saviors one has to mine in the mountains,
where one breaks the rough from the rough.

Do you not feel sorry for laying waste
to your beloved valley? Behold my weakness;
I have nothing but brooks of milk and tears,
And you were always in superior numbers.

With such expense you had been announced to me.
Why did you not step out of me, wildly, immediately?
If you need only tigers to tear you apart,
why was I raised in the women's house,
to weave a soft, pure robe for you,
in which not even the seam discomforts you -
such was my whole life,
and now you suddenly reverse its nature.

may the Lord answer you...

2008-03-12T17:46:00.000-07:00

the above video is of ben dudley, an old acquaintance of mine, at his high school graduation. i've been hearing this story for years, and he finally decided to post his shame on youtube, much to the delight of his friends. just so everyone knows, the graduation was being broadcast LIVE to several big cities in texas, and there were several thousand in attendance when this took place.
i hope you laugh as hard as i did.

ben also posted an obamania video i've never seen, with appearences by scarlett johansen, john legend, will.i.am, kareem abdul jabar (what an advantage to have dr. j on your team!), and miscellaneous cast members of lost, prison break and 24, among others. they sing the words of an obama speech.

very cool.

[when i'm wrong: my brother mark pointed out, embarrassingly, that dr. j is julius irving, not kareem abdul jabar. i stand corrected, but obama still has a dominant forward in kareem!]

leap day index.

2008-02-29T04:42:00.000-08:00

from jessica hagy's indexed blog.

anyone have a good leap year tradition?

happy february 29th!

fathers and sons.

2008-02-26T17:30:00.000-08:00

my dad passed on to me an article this morning about frank schaeffer's recent book, crazy for God. frank schaeffer is the son of francis schaeffer; the theologian, philosopher, and (perhaps most notably) founder of the international network of l'abri communities. i have no personal connection with the l'abri communities, but many of my friends and family members have been forever changed by the positive impact l'abri has had on their lives. the book is frank's memoir, in which he epically mocks the life and work of his parents, effectively impaling their integrity. the article was a response to the book, written by a very close, very old friend of the schaeffers: mr. os guinness. the article is, simply put, a defense of the schaeffer's integrity by someone who for years was intimately involved with their life and work. i was quite saddened after having read the article, even though guinness ends his response with great hope of a journey home.

others will no doubt be discouraged after this reading, not least of whom will be my superhuman godmother gini andrews, who also lived and worked with the schaeffers in switzerland for many years. i know she loved and respected them deeply. also my mother and uncle, whose lives were dramatically altered after experiences at l'abri. i feel in this way my brothers and i (and all our amazing cousins) are somehow marked by the work of the schaeffers, which has played a pivotal role in the history, redemption, and reconciliation of my family.

half-taxed and unburdened: the story of the danes.

2008-02-21T06:21:00.000-08:00

an interesting piece by morley safer. more isn't better, and the american dream seems to be taking it's toll. the best predictor of happiness is close friends and close relationships. oh, and six months paternity leave doesn't hurt either.

baby di!

2008-02-18T11:24:00.001-08:00

friends and family rejoice. my brother and sister in-law are with child. i am currently in the first trimester of the formation of my identity as uncle ben.

recent blomster.

2008-02-18T11:10:00.000-08:00

dendrobium burana mini.

(applause).

an afternoon with my new camera.

2008-02-01T17:26:00.000-08:00

so about two years ago, my precious camera was stolen. on several occasions, i've nearly bought both simple and extravagant replacements. i had made up my mind to make the digital switch, but my plans have been foiled. as a birthday gift, my two housemates bought me a 35mm SLR that is almost identical to the one that was lost. it was a moving few moments. quite a thoughtful gift, i think.

i'm delighted to share the first few photos from the first roll of film i shot with my new camera. and even though the process to get film photos here is more labor-intensive now, i'm happy to start shooting again.

check it. word.

frustrated florida voters.

2008-01-27T20:10:00.000-08:00

so for the first time in a presidential election, i'm really excited about voting. before barack obama had decided to run for president, he was the keynote speaker at sojourners call to renewal conference on june 28, 2006. i can't remember who first directed me to his address, but after listening to it for the first time i was so inspired that i decided i wanted this man to be president. if you've never heard this speech, and you're at all interested in or intrigued by barack obama, or simply concerned with the intersection of faith and politics, i would recommend you give this a listen.

before recently, i'd never been registered along party lines, but when senator obama decided to run for office last year, i registered as a democrat so that i could vote for him in florida's primary. tragically, florida's democratic party has muddled all floridians' input by changing our primary date to january 29th. i suppose florida didn't want to be lumped in with massachusetts, connecticut, california, and 17 other states on 'super tuesday,' which falls this year on february 5th. because the primaries are overseen by political parties and not by the government, each party makes their own rules as to how they want the voting process to work. aside from those states which were already set to vote before february 5th, no state was (and is) permitted to move their primary to before this date. florida did, and we're paying for it. the DNC penalized florida by taking away all of our delegates, which means that it probably won't matter whether or not i vote on tuesday.

now, as i was thinking about this today, this situation presents a unique opportunity in this years primary. the democratic candidates have made a pact not to campaign here, which means no commercials, phone calls, or letters in the mail. so despite having no delegates, those who vote in florida won't have the hate-campaigns or redundant debates to pull from. and even though i could easily justify not voting, i think i will, just to see what would have happened. and just to see what a pure-ish vote-casting in florida will look like. people may just vote their consciences. and who knows? maybe the DNC will have mercy and give us our delegates in the end.

florida republicans changed their date as well, but were only penalized half their delegates. so giuliani and company are down here on the campaign trail. mitt romney was here a couple days ago, and casey and i saw john mccain's 'straight talk express' bus drive past us at a stoplight a few nights back. i hate how the process is all about momentum and waiting for candidates to slip up. i read a guy earlier today who was suggesting that states should have primaries whenever they like, but that no results should be published until all votes were cast. i think it's a great idea, but unfortunately, probably not very realistic.

on a lighter note, arianna huffington with a fresh take on polls: huffpollstrology is the huffington post's answer to america's addiction with election polls. they won't stop reporting polls, but will begin treating them as "lightweight diversions on par with horoscopes and political betting lines."

as it turns out, both ron paul and barack obama are leos. what fun.

God rest ye merry horticultural therapists.

2008-01-14T19:14:00.000-08:00

this orchid is a cattleya hybrid of some kind. it was blooming the same time as the dancing ladies, and its flowers have now fallen off and i've divided it into four separate plants. i don't know the particular species, but i've posted an article on a gardenweb forum asking for help with identification. there's a very popular brassolaeliocattleya (blc.) that is yellow and red, which has made identification particularly difficult.

most cattleyas are not my favorite orchids (although i am fond of this specimen). they make up some of the largest orchids, their impressive flowers growing six inches and more in diameter. there happens to be a legend in the history of cattleyas which is quite interesting. legend has it that the first cattleya species were actually used as packing material for other plants in early nineteeth century england. out of curiosity, william cattley (their eventual namesake) potted one of them up. when one finally bloomed, it sparked mr. cattley's lifelong obsession of collecting and cataloging the species. the very first cattleya hybrid was registered on january 1, 1863, and was so beautiful that it's still produced today. pretty cool story, i guess. it would have been fascinating to have discovered and collected so many new flowers. so much wonder and excitement. it's not hard to envy those on the frontiers of botany, like orchid hunter steve perlman and rock-star botanist ken wood. these guys must love their jobs. someday i'll love my job...

speaking of loving jobs, i ran into an old professor recently who sparked some genuine excitement. dr. babcock was my favorite social work professor. she would put us in groups and get us to discuss controversial topics which would usually lead to a handful of students yelling at one another. but it was good. she made us think. she stood head and shoulders above the rest of the faculty. my other professors seemed to enjoy making social work out to be a happy-go-lucky profession that wouldn't require much preparation or investment. i literally went through entire classes without learning a single thing.
but i digress.

i told dr. babcock about how i've become quite interested in horticultural therapy as a rehabilitative method, about how i love flowers and such. she thought i was joking at first, because it turns out that she's a fan or HT herself. she told me that just last year she applied for a grant to build a therapeutic garden that would exist for children in florida's child welfare system (a slightly different spin than traditional therapy with children with chronic illness, those with mental disabilities, and the geriatric population). she was denied the grant, but was thrilled at my interest in HT and told me about the wonderful experience she had at the enid a. haupt glass gardens at nyu's rusk institute. the rusk institute is a rehabilitative hospital whose mission is "to provide patients with the necessary physical, social, emotional, vocational, and recreational skills to reach the highest possible levels of independence and quality of life." the institute treats patients across a continuum of care that is incredibly broad and which (not surprisingly) includes horticultural therapy. if you're at all interested in rehabilitative medicine or networks of varied care, you simply must check out the rusk institute. i've been in touch with the directors about training and internships, and they were very warm and informative. i would love to spend some time studying or working there. interestingly, the senior horticultural therapist there is an MSW.

running into dr. babcock was great.

i've been reading through the brothers karamazov. i'll leave you with my favorite quote so far:

Do not be afraid of anything, never be afraid, and do not grieve. Just let repentence not slacken in you, and God will forgive everything. There is not and cannot be in the whole world such a sin that the Lord will not forgive one who truly repents of it. A man even cannot commit so great a sin as would exhaust God's boundless love. How could there be a sin that exceeds God's love? Only take care that you repent without ceasing, and chase away fear altogether. Believe that God loves you so as you cannot conceive of it; even with your sin and in your sin he loves you. And there is more joy in heaven over one repentent sinner than over ten righteous men - that was said long ago. Go, then, and do not be afraid. Do not be upset with people, do not take offense at their wrongs. Forgive the dead man in your heart for all the harm he did you; and be reconciled with him truly. If you are repentant, it means that you love. And if you love, you already belong to God ... With love everything is bought, everything is saved. If even I, a sinful man, just like you, was moved to tenderness and felt pity for you, how much more will God be. Love is such a priceless treasure that you can buy the whole world with it, and redeem not only your own but other people's sins. Go, and do not be afraid.

- the elder zosima to the woman who whispered in dostoevsky's
the brothers karamazov

my oldest friend.

2008-01-08T18:04:00.000-08:00

just before Christmas, i had dinner with an old friend. blake munroe was one of my first best friends, but sadly i hadn't seen him in nearly 20 years. somewhere in my formed memory of blake, i came to think he was from haiti. it turns out he was born in calcutta, india, in a mission of nuns dedicated to taking in children who would otherwise be abandoned. blake and his sister amy were adopted by richard and anita munroe, who were our next-door neighbors in fairhope, alabama, when i was six years old. my memories of blake include pirate birthday parties, trick-or-treating together, and trying to sell honeysuckle to neighborhood softies. blake now lives in nashville, tennessee, and works in the music business. it was great catching up.

here's to old friends.

missing sunday surf.

2007-12-19T11:13:00.000-08:00

a wee note about florida surf: it comes comes seldom and often when you least expect it. we get weird surf here all the time, but delicious, glassy, peeling swells come maybe once a year. sunday it snuck up on everyone, and no one i know caught it. c'est la vie.

if you operate on a macintosh, you may need to download flip4mac to access the video, which opens windows media files in quicktime. if you operate on a pc, then for once you're ahead of the game. the video is a nice look at our beaches, and at nearly never-seen waves on the gulf coast.

big lagoon, little friends.

2007-12-04T16:45:00.000-08:00

on friday night i went camping with my good friend britt and his two amazing boys, baylen (4) and collin (3). it was their first full-on camping experience, and they absolutely loved it. by full-on i mean staying in a tent all night and sleeping on the ground. we didn't hike or primitive camp or anything, but still, it was a big deal.

we gathered firewood, cooked meat over a fire, roasted marshmallows, played cards and went exploring. the boys were happy for their new wool hats from uncle ben, and sported them enthusiastically. my favorite moment of the trip was when collin (younger and blonder) randomly began singing "i got soul, but i'm not a soldier..." while walking by himself. he sang it over and over again, and i almost couldn't contain my delight. i got video of it, but, very sadly, no audio came through with it. other highlights included collin trying in vain to remove an artificial, affixed robin from a bench, and continually referring to it as a 'turkey bird,' baylen writing the names of all his family members in the sand, and hearing both kids say, time and again, "daddy, you know what? i love you."

got me every time.

the trip was also meaningful because britt, his lovely wife marie, and his three beautiful children (baby brooklyn is almost one) are moving after the new year.

they will be greatly missed.

bunches of really terrific photos from the trip can be found here: PHOTOS!

my winter lungs.

2007-12-01T23:58:00.000-08:00

1. "Fake Empire" - The National
2. "Extraordinary Machine" - Fiona Apple
3. "Keep the Car Running" - Arcade Fire
4. "Hard Life" - Bonnie 'Prince' Billy
5. "Reckoner" - Radiohead
6. "When a Man Loves a Woman" - Percy Sledge
7. "Green Onions" - Booker T. & The MG's
8. "Tall Trees in Georgia" - Eva Cassidy
9. "OK As Long As You Don't Squeak or Bark or Make Other Animal Noises" - Linford Detweiler
10. "Shelter From the Storm" - Bob Dylan
11. "Travelin' Thru" - Dolly Parton
12. "I Started a Joke" - Kathryn Williams
13. "The Good Hand" - Woven Hand
14. "The Man Comes Around" - Johnny Cash
15. "Amy" - Takagi Masakatsu
16. "Is There a Ghost" - Band of Horses
17. "The Lakes of Canada" - The Innocence Mission

the first noel: dicristina nut brown ale

2007-12-01T21:31:00.000-08:00

about six weeks ago i began discovering how fun it was to brew my own beer. i've been anxiously awaiting popping the caps off since then, hoping desperately to avoid skunking and non-carbonation. although there was a trial run with the fam last weekend, tonight was the official uncorking, and the critics agree: my beer is delicious.

i chose the name 'the first noel' in honor of Christmastime and of noel, my Christmassy middle name. also because this was my first brewing. i wish i could tell you all to enjoy, but first you'll have to visit.

czechvar: the new budvar!

2007-11-28T18:32:00.000-08:00

there is a beer that i used to enjoy with my good friend olu robbin-coker which is called budvar. i didn't know, until yesterday, that this (the original budweiser) pilsner is sold stateside as czechvar. after years of searching, today i found it in minutes, and i'm enjoying one now. memories of a creole-speaking sierra leonean are dancing in my head.

olu, here's to you, your lovely wife, your beautiful progeny, and of course, to limit x. malibongwe, my friend.

dancing ladies, tired eyes.

2007-11-26T17:48:00.000-08:00

sometimes i break down and buy an orchid that is already blooming. i guess i feel that there's less merit in buying a blooming orchid as opposed to cultivating one myself. on the other hand, if it is the flowers that are to be enjoyed, and not only the cultivating process, there's certainly no less merit in the former.
i love both.

this is an oncidium sweet sugar 'yellow king.' these orchids are commonly called 'dancing lady' orchids because of the flowers' resemblance of skirted ladies dancing. it seems this particular dance would include a lot of spinning.

this is a song i've been listening to a lot lately. it's one of my favorites:

Sisters and brothers,
We have surely lost our way.
In strip malls full of cancer,
And a pathetic rain.
And lover, sweet lover
Please don't discipline your hands.
Just kiss me in the morning,
In your dirtiest pants.

We will find our way.

We will find our way.

There is beauty in this land,
But i don't often see it.
There is beauty in this land,
But i don't often feel it.

Pimples are flowers,
Musicians are cowards!
Let's argue in the kitchen,
For hours and hours.
Tomorrow is a travesty,
Tomorrow should be ours.

The soldiers with their specialists
And the pigs with their guns cannot stop,
The lost ones and
the desparate ones and
the driven ones.

The soldiers with their cigarettes
And the pigs with their guns cannot stop,
The lonesome ones and
the desparate ones and
the smart ones.

So come on friends,
To the barricades again.

So come on friends,
To the barricades again.

So come on friends,
To the barricades again.

So come on friends,
To the barricades again.

We will find our way.

We will find our way.

"When we finally cross the barricades
With the angels on our side
When we finally deny all the popular laws
When we finally let doubt and worry die

How will it feel?"

- excerpt from "The Triumph of Our Tired Eyes," by A Silver Mt. Zion

thanksgiving in florida.

2007-11-25T12:13:00.000-08:00

so it's about that time to wrap up a fantastic thanksgiving weekend with the family. mark and monica (brother and new sister) were down for the holiday, and we all stayed at the 'rents house for optimal hang time. we played dominos, drank beer, ate food, talked about and watched werner herzog, and prayed together.

in denying my own tradition of never posting more than one photo on any one blog, i offer you these pictures:

linville, gorgeous.

2007-11-15T22:05:00.001-08:00

a journal in pictures from my weekend in north carolina.

ode to 1812.

2007-11-04T20:53:00.000-08:00

i realized today that i haven't yet shared my new home with friends and family... i do apologize.

the photo above is the bike rack at 1812 e. lloyd st. here in pensacola. i've uploaded a very small handful of photos from the inside of the house here. none of these photos were taken by me, but were taken by residents or then-residents of 1812 over the last few months. as you can see, we have a porch (magni boni), which is complete with rocking chairs and a porch swing (which you may or may not be able to see behind the birch trees on the right). i live with two good friends: casey, and clint, who actually owns the house. the house was pretty dilapidated when he bought the place a year ago, but he has transformed it into a magnificent home. in the first couple pictures you can see clint's parents' maltese, sam, and our beloved house cat lou (more blogging on lou is certain to come in the not-so-distant future). the fourth to last one is my room, and the third to last one is the dock at bayou texar (teh-HAR for those unaccustomed to español) that you can see from our house and is just two blocks away.

1812 is a wonderful house. i've been here since june-ish, and i've loved living with two guys as great as casey and clint. casey, despite mild insecurities tied to the intersection of his social and professional lives, leads a beautiful existence as a marine and is in flight school here in pensacola. casey is extremely normal, and in a sense very anti-military for typical midshipmen (goats, if you will) here. casey and i have become fast friends over the last half-year or so, often enjoying good food, good beer, good scotch, and pente' together. i must attribute the bike photo to casey. clint is a man i admire in many ways: he's extremely modest, though he knows how to do everything, and simultaneously the hardest working and most thoughtful person i know. i'm extremely blessed to be living with such fine people. and brent, we certainly miss you and talk of you often.

today was a lovely day. i woke up early and read the second half of monastic gardens on the porch with a quiet cup of coffee. i then rode frank (one of the cruiser bikes we affectionately refer to as frankenstein, for it was pieced together as such) downtown to church through delightfully silent neighborhoods, drinking in the crisp autumn air. i wouldn't ordinarily consider myself a morning person, but i do love a beautiful morning. the sermon today was about shalom, and how the true jewish meaning for the word meant much more than just relational peace in the 'have a good day' sense that some use today. the priest went on to talk about how, in the fall, we lost much more than just our relationship with our heavenly Father. we lost health and physical wholeness, genuine love for our fellow men and women, and ideals of social justice and equality, among others. in our lives we aim to recover what was lost in a holistic sense: both preaching the Gospel and also reaching out to the sick and lonely, the poor and disenfranchised. dad has preached for years on the jewish roots of Christianity, and he loves the concept of shalom. often i wish i'd have paid his teaching more attention growing up.

just one brief story and i'll leave you be. at the end of the service this morning, i was playing a game with anna, the four year old daughter of my friends glen and jennifer (i really, really need a camera). i found some notecards on my seat, and i would fan them out like a deck of cards as she would draw one at a time and delight at whatever children's scribbles were penciled on that card. it was fun. so after the service, i unlocked frank and began riding away from the church when i heard anna call my name. i looked over and she was running towards me so i screeched to a halt to see what she wanted. she simply, and beautifully, wrapped her arms around my legs and squeezed. we exchanged goodbyes and i rode off untroubled by life.

i've always been struck by how little grown-up people understand children, how little parents even understand their own children. nothing should be concealed from children on the pretext that they are little and it is too early for them to understand. what a miserable and unfortunate idea! and how readily the children detect that their fathers consider them too little to understand anything, though they understand everything. grown-up people do not know that a child can give exceedingly good advice even in the most difficult case. oh dear! when that pretty little bird looks at you, happy and confiding, it's a shame for you to deceive it. i call them birds because there's nothing better than a bird in the world...

at first he used to shake his head and wonder how it was the children understood everything from me and scarcely anything from him; and then he began laughing at me when i told him that neither of us could teach them anything, but that they can teach us ...

(for) the soul is healed by being with children.

- prince myshkin in dostoyevsky's the idiot.

the resurrection fern.

2007-10-29T18:40:00.000-07:00

sometimes i'm struck by songs. often i'm struck by plants. in keeping with my unrelenting fascination for plants and what they mean to our lives, i'll share today's favorite song.

this morning i turned on the shepherd's dog, sam beam's latest release as folk phenom iron and wine. in the middle of the album lies a beautiful song called 'resurrection fern.' definitely song of the day (thanks, casey). i just happened to have brother mark on gmail chat, and he directed me to paste's review of the album, where i discovered some interesting biologie about the resurrection fern. it turns out that the resurrection fern is an epiphyte (non parasitic, and does not grow in the ground. like the ghost orchid) that grows on the branches of cypress and live oak trees. it's name is derived from it's ability to survive long periods of drought. when there is no rain, the ferns will curl up their undersides and turn brown, appearing dead. then, when the slightest bit of moisture is present, it will immediately 'resurrect' and restore itself to it's rich green color. with ferns, most water is absorbed on the undersides of the leaf blades, making the resurrection fern particularly clever. these plants can lose almost all their water which is needed to hydrate cells and still survive. botanists have long held that the resurrection fern could go 100 years without water and still revive after just one shower.

there is a line of ancient live oaks about four blocks from my house that have resurrection ferns living on their branches. i wish i could share them with you, but , alas, i have no camera.

it's not hard to see how this remarkable plant can translate into our lives. it's a beautiful thing to ponder, with endless extrapolations, but today i'll let you draw your own conclusions. i'll leave you with mr. beam's poetry.
get the song, if you can, and listen to it while you read these words:

in our days we will live
like our ghosts will live:
pitching glass at the cornfield crows
and folding clothes

like stubborn boys across the road
we'll keep everything:
grandma's gun and the black bear claw
that took her dog

when sister Laurie says, "Amen"
we won't hear anything:
the ten-car trains will take that word
that fledgling bird

and the fallen house across the way
it'll keep everything:
the baby's breath
our bravery wasted and our shame

and we'll undress beside the ashes of the fire
both our tender bellies wound in baling wire
all the more a pair of underwater pearls
than the oak tree and its resurrection fern

in our days we will say
what our ghosts will say:
we gave the world what it saw fit
and what'd we get?

like stubborn boys with big green eyes
we'll see everything:
in the timid shade of the autumn leaves
and the buzzard's wing

and we'll undress beside the ashes of the fire
our tender bellies are wound around in baling wire
all the more a pair of underwater pearls
than the oak tree and its resurrection fern

pay what you will for paste.

2007-10-29T17:15:00.000-07:00

so my brother mark works for this great magazine called paste. he's the production coordinator, whatever that means. i'm still not sure what he does there, aside from hosting stella artois and knob creek parties, and watching tivo'd office episodes on flatscreen tv's.

if you've never heard of or picked up a paste, you're missing out. it's a terrific magazine, geared mostly towards music, but also includes articles and reviews about films and books. it's hard to compare it to another magazine, but if i must, i'd compare it to rolling stone. just take a rolling stone, remove the articles that came from people magazine, hire tasteful writers who write tasteful articles, and you've got paste. so, if you like being up to date with music, film, and books, today you're in for a treat. inspired by the unusual release of the latest radiohead album, paste is offering 'pay-what-you-want' subscriptions for the next two weeks. you can get a year's subscription for $1, and give as many gift subscriptions as you like. the general philosophy is that they would rather have ten new subcribers for $10 rather than two people paying $5.

pretty cool, i think.

www.pastemagazine.com

new blogger, new blogs.

2007-10-27T07:54:00.001-07:00

so dad has covertly begun not one, but two blogs. at first i was shocked, as many of you will be. once i thought about it, though, i realized that blogging is the perfect outlet for him. he loves to think and pray and write, and he's a good teacher. i'm happy he's started doing this. if for nothing else, it's one more thing he and i can share.

the first one, called dicristina (i agree, dad, such a beautiful name!), is associated with two classes he teaches at Church of the Apostles, but has theological and personal musings as well. COTA is the anglican church where dad has been moseying back into ministry for last several months, and he seems to really enjoy it. the second blog is called the restoration project, and focuses on community bible readings from COTA and is designed to be a devotional.
keep up the good work, pops.

my father is a minister of the gospel of Jesus Christ. he is an ordained anglican priest in the diocese of rwanda, a devoted husband, and proud father of three.

he is a good man, and i am very proud to be my father's son.

nation, rejoice!

2007-10-24T22:04:00.001-07:00

so the sox have begun their annihilation of the rockies with an emphatic 13-1 thrashing earlier tonight.

i'll leave you to ponder the greatness that will be with this stunning likeness of papi. brother mark sent me the photo. so funny and great.

to love thine enemies.

2007-10-23T22:34:00.000-07:00

so i've been having a difficult time at work lately because of a broken relationship with an individual who has made it his mission to intentionally, vindictively, and publicly insult me. honestly, i've never had to deal with someone who i've felt hated me, and i'm quite conflicted as to how to handle my situation.

as a christian, i have long listened to the words of Jesus, from his sermon on the mount, when he taught us that we should love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us. this must be one of the most difficult things to do, christian or not. to love someone who despises you goes against every human inclination and social norm. we feel justified in snubbing those who disrespect us, and yet our Savior's words remain: love them.

why is loving ones enemies so terribly, terribly difficult? oh, to be a peacemaker! i have desired so deeply to love my colleague in spite of this breach of relationship, but i don't. i feel i can't. Lord, give me strength.

archbishop emmanuel kolini once told me a story about how the people of rwanda were learning to forgive and love one another through the horrible atrocities perpetrated and received. clearly, their struggles have been severe, making reconciliation seemingly impossible. yet somehow i can't find the strength to love someone who is giving me a hard time at work.

similarly, my friend ziya meral, a turk i met in toronto last year, has made it his aim to work to reconcile his people with the people of armenia, despite the near century-long discord between the two countries (if you're not familiar with the turkey-armenia struggle, congress just passed a bill officially calling the acts that turkey perpetrated against armenia in world war I 'genocide'. turkey's position remains genocide denial, despite overwhelming evidence of forced relocation and mass murder.) ziya first took up this cross after traveling to armenia for the first time a few years back with an old friend. they were received so hospitably, and loved so deeply that it broke his heart and changed him. not surprisingly, ziya is a muslim turned christian. as a result, he has been shunned from his own family. ziya is a beautiful and brilliant man, and i am very proud to know him. you can read his blog here.

i found a sermon by martin luther king, jr., a few days ago entitled 'loving your enemies.' it was delivered at dexter avenue baptist church in montgomery, alabama, on novermber 17, 1957. i'll leave you with an excerpt from the address here:

Within the best of us, there is some evil, and within the worst of us, there is some good. When we come to see this, we take a different attitude toward individuals. The person who hates you most has some good in him; even the nation that hates you most has some good in it; even the race that hates you most has some good in it. And when you come to the point that you look in the face of every man and see deep down within him what religion calls "the image of God," you begin to love him in spite of the evil. No matter what he does, you see God's image there. There is an element of goodness that he can never sluff off. Discover the element of good in your enemy. And as you seek to hate him, find the center of goodness and place your attention there and you will take a new attitude...

...so this morning, as I look into your eyes, and into the eyes of all of my brothers in Alabama and all over America and over the world, I say to you, "I love you. I would rather die than hate you." And I'm foolish enough to believe that through the power of this love somewhere, men of the most recalcitrant bent will be transformed. And then we will be in God's kingdom.

bejewelled spiders. crab spiders?

2007-10-13T16:21:00.000-07:00

this little guy has been posted up on the side of our house for a couple months now. i thought it would be fitting to give him a wee tribute, given the longevity of his web. we've been calling him a crab spider for forever, but when i actually did some research, i found that crab spiders are actually a lot different than our friend here. neither spider should be confused with the japanese spider crab, which many of you have probably seen at the atlanta aquarium. the spider above is actually a jewelled spider, according to spiderzrule.com. although i've never seen an insect in this web, my theory is that our friend seduces insects with the smiley face on its back, and then snags them in his awesome web. we at 1812 e. lloyd would like to take this opportunity to thank our jewelly spider for controlling our very local mosquito population.

i walked up to the park today to read, and ended up falling asleep in the afternoon sun. eventually i finished 'the wounded healer' (i know, i know. such a short book). the last chapter was the best. i'll leave you with another gem from nouwen:

when we are not afraid to enter into our own center
and to concentrate on the stirrings of our own soul,
we come to know that being alive means being loved.
this experience tells us that we can only love because
we are born out of love, that we can only give because
our life is a gift, and that we can only make others
free because we are set free by Him whose heart is
greater than ours. when we have found the anchor
places for our lives in our own center, we can be free
to let others enter into the space created for them
and allow them to dance their own dance,
sing their own song
and speak their own language without fear.
then our presence is no longer threatening and demanding
but inviting and liberating.

this is true hospitality.

more on laetizia's visit.

2007-10-07T11:27:00.000-07:00

as i mentioned in the previous post, i had a surprise visit from an old friend two weeks ago. her name is laetizia langer. i lived with her and loads of other people in a castle in scotland for six months several years back. laetizia is from germany, and she's an architect at a small firm in her hometowm of dresden. sadly, dresden is known around the world for receiving a devastating and controversial attack from the allied forces during world war II which destroyed the city and killed tens of thousands of people. laetizia is a glowing reminder that the Lord makes beauty from ashes.

before laetizia came to see me, she was visiting our friend daryl in atlanta. daryl had appointed a friend to take laetizia around and show her the city, who bailed once laetizia arrived. to make a long story short, laetizia was bored and she wanted to see the ocean, so daryl thought to call me. she flew down a few days later and spent a week at the beach. it was a great relief for her to be able to come and relax, and it was a great delight to have her here. i was privileged to introduce her favorite new music: the innocence mission. i posted a few photos from her time here on a flickr album. enjoy.

thanks for visiting, laetty. you're welcome any time.

genuine hospitality, and gardens.

2007-10-01T16:17:00.000-07:00

the weather in florida has been particularly beautiful lately. at the moment i'm sitting on my porch watching the sun go down, enjoying the increasingly milder temperatures. by all measurements, the weather is perfect right now.

the orchid pictured above is one of the most bizarre and awesome displays of flowers at their strangest. it is a catasetum integerrimum. many people think the photo is ominous, a reminder of death. one guy even called it a hobgoblin. for me, though, this orchid is a monk: quiet, reverent, diligent. the 'bird beak' structure in the center of the plant is a sensitive trigger that when brushed against, shoots pollen onto the bee that pollinates it. this shower, wanted or not, allows the bee to pollinate the other monk orchids in mexico and throughout central america.

i picked this flower to share this evening because it represents a small piece of a growing trend in my life. during the past several months, i've grown noticeably more generous, kind, and benevolent. my thoughts and meditations on scripture are being drawn towards community, generosity, and hospitality. also, my thoughts are being drawn to gardens.

about a month back, i had a very encouraging conversation with my cousin andrew about hospitality and generosity. andrew and his wife sarah, along with their son (the rotund and dashing henry arden francis carlson-lier), live with at least one other family, in a community they have called the julian house. the namesake is for st. julian, the patron saint of hospitality. andrew proceded to tell me that he wants his life to manifest a consistent hospitality as he goes about living with family, friends, and neighbors. i told andrew that i'd been finding it hard to be generous with people. my experience is that everyone wants the playing field to be even. if i buy dinner for someone, they need to pay me back. if i go out of my way to help someone, they feel they must repay the favor. i find myself caught in these loops of feeling that i should treat people a certain way, while at the same time living in the reality that people expect to be treated by me with that weird even-handed fairness. so, people feel slighted when i don't pay them back for food, and disrespected when i don't repay favors. this dissonance will ring in my head for weeks if i let it.

i feel i'm supposed to be generous and loving to people. as a christian, i find joy in both welcoming and being welcomed. it makes little sense to me why this is such a foreign concept to many brothers and sisters in the faith.

so a couple of weeks after this conversation with andrew, my dad tells me that he's preaching a sermon on hospitality. then he lends me a book: Making Room by Christine D. Pohl. i've only just cracked it. let's just say i'm looking forward to diving in.

this brings us up to about ten days ago when my buddy daryl calls from atlanta and asks if a mutual friend of ours can fly down and stay with me for awhile. daryl and i met in scotland and lived together at a ywam base in west kilbride for about six moonths (a quick digression: daryl and i discovered, while living in scotland, that he attended the same church as my older brother mark: craziness.). anyway, we also lived with about twenty five others, including our dear friend laetizia from germany. daryl and i have had some keeping in touch since, but until last week, i had not seen or heard from laetizia in over four years. so, with this glaring opportunity to be hospitality to someone, i jumped at the chance. laetizia came to stay and had a wonderful, relaxing time. it was a beautiful week. she made it clear to me on multiple occasions that she felt welcomed in and accepted, loved and cherished. i was able to give her my bed and my car, cook her meals and provide her with buckets of the most delicious orange juice on the planet (of which she took down in pints). it felt really good to provide haven for her, to be love to her.
question: if it feels good, is it genuine altruism?

lastly, i'd like to mention my most recent book purchase: Monastic Gardens by Mick Hales. i randomly googled 'monastic gardens' one day, and there just happened to be a rather intriguing book by precisely that title. the book is about the various facets of the garden, as seen in both modern and historical monasteries. gardens are not just decorative in nature, but are sources of meals, medicine, and sanctuary. gardens provide altar flowers, wine, places to pray, and most notably: hospitality. Hales has a whole chapter on 'the guest house garden,' which is just fantastic. the book is beautiful to me because it is merging the two paths i find i'm simultaneously walking: genuine hospitality and gardens.

so, although the sentimental attitudes of generosity and goodwill are important, they are just not enough in and of themselves. hospitality, i think, is far deeper and more pervasive. hospitality is, in fact, a discipline, and entails the selfless and vulnerable act of welcoming in strangers and being life and love to them.

i don't know exactly where my life is headed, but it's months like september that seem to make a lot of sense. i'll leave you with an exceptionally appropriate quote that i received last week from a new friend:

life is short and we do not have
much time to gladden the hearts
of those who travel the way with us.
oh, be swift to love.
make haste to be kind.

-henri frederic amiel (1868)

all it takes to hearken back is a bottle of tasty oban.

2007-09-17T23:57:00.000-07:00

recently, my housemate casey and i were out and about looking for new bottles of scotch. as we were looking, i noticed a bottle of 14 year old oban, which immediately reminded me of my dear friends joe and chris lafferty.

joe and chris once lived in oban. i was only in oban once, just passing through on my way to the fair isle of iona. my time in iona was one of the most magical times i had in scotland. it was the only holiday i took while i lived in the u.k., and it was glorious.

i was in edinburgh for the fringe festival at the time, so i had to catch a train from there to glasgow, and from glasgow north to oban. oban is a sea town on the west coast of scotland. from oban one must take a ferry across to the isle of mull. mull is a breathtaking island, so driving the length of the island to catch the next ferry is nothing but pleasant. at the very end of mull is a village called fionnphort, which is where i had to catch the ferry for the mile-long jog to iona.

it was nearly dusk when i arrived on iona, and very foggy. i could hardly see fifty feet in front of me. i hadn't made plans to stay in a hostel, so i was planning on camping out on the beach. i ran into someone that told me that the iona community discourages primitive camping to protect their scarce and rare grasses. so i was wandering around in the fog and near dark, playing with stones on the beach and dancing on very large rocks. out of respect to the people of iona, i wandered back towards the town to try to find a hostel or family willing to take me in. on the way, i heard sheep and walked through the fog towards where i heard them. eventually i found the sheep, and to my surprise and delight, they belonged to the owners of a hostel. i walked in and was given a bed for the night. later i found out that people book rooms on iona several months in advance, and that it is unheard of to simply 'walk in' and expect a bed.
well i did.

the next morning, i woke up to the clearest, most beautiful day i can ever remember. scotland it rather grey and dull and cold most of the time, but this day the sky was blue and it was warm enough to walk around in shorts and a t-shirt. so i explored all day. i wandered around and sang and prayed and drank in the rugged beauty of the ancient island. i could write pages about my time on iona, but i'll share just one story.

i was sitting on a hillside, munching some crackers and cheese, when i was approached by a monk from poland (iona is steeped in christian history, a story for another day) who told me that his monk friend was off on a tiny island just beyond where we were sitting. he said his friend was exploring, and that he'd been gone for hours. we talked for awhile and his friend came back, and they were off to continue their adventures. i was interested to see what the polish monk was doing on the tiny island for all that time, and there was only about a foot of water between iona and the tiny island, so i took my shoes off and waded over. the island was about 150 meters long and 50 meters wide. it was grassy on top (tended by sheep. i don't know how they got there), and had tall, steep, rocky walls that ran down to the water. i spent hours on the wee island, climbing up the rocky ledges and basking with the sheep. it was a delightful time. as i walked back to the edge of the island to get back to the 'mainland,' i realized that the tide had come in since i'd first gone over, and the water was now chest-deep. i looked around and realized that i was completely alone. no polish monks, no locals, not anyone. so i simply removed all my clothes, held them over my head, and walked back to iona. also, i hadn't bathed in days, so i took this opportunity to wash myself in the sea. it was invigorating, it was freeing. i've never felt so alive.

so here i am, sipping my oban, thinking of joe and chris, and dreaming of fonder days. i'll leave you with another quote from 'the wounded healer:'

"through compassion we also sense our hope for forgiveness in our friends' eyes and our hatred in their bitter mouths. when they kill, we know that we could have done it; when they give life, we know that we can do the same. for a compassionate man nothing human is alien: no joy and no sorrow, no way of living and no way of dying."

simon.

2007-09-12T21:13:00.001-07:00

a couple of weeks ago, i found a photo on my brother's computer that i had lost last year when my computer perished. it was the above photo of michael's hands and of simon, my ruby-throated hummingbird. i found simon one afternoon after class. i heard a noise, looked down, and at first thought it was a dragonfly. upon closer inspection, however, i discovered that it was a beautiful hummingbird that had one bad wing and was struggling to fly. i was thrilled at the discovery, as i had never seen a real, live hummingbird. so, filled with compassion, i took simon home, holding him in the palm of my hand all the way. occasionally he would try to fly away, only to be reminded that he could only flutter downward to the floorboard. i kept him for a few days, feeding him sugar-water from a spoon (which he lapped up with his threadlike tongue) and taking him for "walks." our walks consisted of me carrying simon to various flowers in the back and front yards to see which ones he enjoyed. his favorite was a vine that had thousands of tiny white flowers blooming. eventually i decided that i could no longer give simon the care he needed. so, reluctantly, i took him to the wildlife rescue mission and charged them with healing my sick friend. i hope he became well enough to fly again.

earlier today i was reading nouwen's "the wounded healer" when i was struck something he said about prayer. writes nouwen, "prayer is not a pious decoration of life, but the breath of human existence." this sums up a lot of what i've been feeling of late. all my longings and joys, pains and trials of life, struggling to find meaning for them within my spiritual existence. prayer, says nouwen, is the very essence of being alive.

as i was mulling over this in my head, i was reminded of a prayer that i said every sunday for ten years at [st. francis of assisi episcopal] church. when i was younger, this prayer had little meaning for me. as i grew older, though, beginning to understand and develop my own faith, this prayer became very meaningful for me, as things do when one grows older. this prayer is commonly called the "prayer of st. francis," and is widely attributed to him.

Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace;
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,
grant that i may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.
Amen.

in remembrance of simon, i will note briefly that Francis of Assisi is the patron saint of birds, animals, and the environment.

summer's winter wonderland.

2007-09-08T07:22:00.000-07:00

this is my most recent flowering orchid. it's a degarmoara winter wonderland 'white fairy.' this plant is an intergeneric hybrid that has bits of miltoniopsis, brassia, and odontoglossum in it's background. my flowers have been four to five inches. they are pure white with a small cluster of purple spots at the very center of the petals and sepals. they have a subtle, sweet scent that is quite pleasant. i am fortunate to have two spikes with five flowers on each spike. i originally thought this was an oncidium hybrid with bits of brassia in it, but i was recently corrected by someone wiser than i. this is a lovely orchid.

two days ago i treated myself to a new surfboard. it's the first epoxy board that i've had (epoxy is tougher, quicker, more buoyant, and, of course, more expensive than fiberglass). thursday the surf wasn't very good, so stu and i took off from work early on friday and went to the cross for some quick, drifty surf. kristen came, too. it was a fun day.

surfing is something i've grown to love over the past few years since i moved home from scotland. it's magical. there's nothing like it. it's been my escape, my time to think and refuel. it's also been a great fellowship experience with my friends, and this is most true with my brother michael. surfing has become something that we enjoy together, and sharing that time in the water has helped us get to know one another as adults, which has been very meaningful and important for our relationship. we took a surf trip with some friends last year to costa rica.
the photo below is from that trip.

i love my brother.

update on kristen. and slippers.

2007-09-01T11:41:00.000-07:00

this is a phragmipedium. phrags are one of four genera in their subfamily. all are commonly called slipper orchids, because of the 'slipper' or pouch that forms instead of the lip as the unique front petal. the different subfamilies are classified for the different regions in which they grow. phrags are found primarily in central and south america, as they need warmer temperatures to survive. this one was cultivated by jason fischer. for some reason he called it 'miami beach.' a deficit in originality, but to each his own. nevertheless, the flower is a particularly beautiful specimen. well done, jason.

so that everyone knows, kristen escaped her terrifying car crash with only a few injuries to her left arm. the woman who crashed into her was driving a much bigger car, and actually rode up over kristen's car, smashing the windshield, then took to the air and came back down on the back of the smaller, more vulnerable honda. anyway, aside from being a bit shaken up and sore, kristen is doing remarkably well, and we are all thankful.

dear kristen.

2007-08-30T21:04:00.001-07:00

two of my dearest friends, stuart and kristen west, were married earlier this year. stuart called me tonight from the hospital saying that kristen had been hit by a drunk driver in a head-on collision. he said she was stable, but they won't know the extent of her injuries until the morning. i pray she's alright.

the senselessness of this astounds me.

Lord, have mercy.

holy ghosts and orchids.

2007-08-29T14:52:00.000-07:00

i'm going to start inserting an orchid with each entry as i blog. enjoy.

this is a ghost orchid. i believe it might be the most beautiful of all flowers. it is incredibly rare, and extremely difficult to grow anywhere outside it's native habitat. it is commonly called the "ghost" orchid because it's roots blend in, which gives the flower the appearance of floating in the air without stem or stalk, like a ghost. the lower lip, a unique petal in all orchids, has become something singular and breathtaking in the ghost orchid. the lip divides, and spins slightly downward, as if it has grown a pair of short legs. the ghost is an epiphytic orchid, meaning that it has roots which anchor to trees, allowing the plant to grow without ever touching the ground. epiphytic orchids are never parasitic. they have special roots, encased in special velamen, which absorbs moisture and other elements from the air and rain. the existence of such a beautiful flower boggles my mind. i have never been privileged to see a specimen in person, but one day... sigh... perhaps.

i've been having a few email conversations with my dad and my cousin andrew. i thought i'd share some of the content of the exchanges here. some of the discourse was born from a short book on prayer that i've been reading, and some from my work experience of late. enjoy.

"...Anyway, I think he's saying that as created, material beings one of the unique ways that we can know and bless God is through and on account of the material creation. Hence many great hymns and psalms extolling God for the wonders of creation, or "beauties of nature", and the sacraments, and again, Jesus. The resurrection of the body says that the body is important to God, and knowing/ experiencing/blessing God, at least in part, through our bodily senses is again, an essential part of his design and desire. The material, created order is important to
God - especially human beings. We aren't just spirits trapped in decaying bodies that one day we will shed for a purely spiritual existence. Jesus came to redeem our whole selves. Hence we say in the Creed that we believe in the resurrection of the body."

"I often feel exhausted, whether I've slept a lot or a little, whether I've worked twelve hours or six. Nevertheless, the last month I have felt happy. I made a decision to read more, to take care of myself spiritually, to serve, and to do things I love. I dive fully into experiencing God in a number of ways, and I'm thrilled that I'm not simply a 'trapped spirit.' I love to love music and mountains and waves and flowers and books. Everything I do has become spiritual to me, like a prayer. And I love it. It's like my life is a song, and when I'm happy and doing things i love, i'm like one worshipping. It's a never ending cycle of blessing: God blesses me by presenting me with opportunities to love certain things, and I respond by enjoying them. And I love it, because I feel this blesses Him, like we're enjoying each other.

"I guess I've written all this to say that this attitude is helping me cope with the stresses I face as a social worker, and I suppose I didn't realize it until now. It's hard for me not to internalize things and make my client's problems my own. I wake up dreaming about kids and parents, about their livelihoods and futures. I think being intentional about enjoying life, as well as being life to those around me, has helped me immensely.

"I've been given so many gifts, and I've squandered so many chances to be thankful. I don't fully understand why God chose to bless us and give us things and people to love, but it's so beautiful, isn't it? That he would create each of us with a precise disposition, to love and enjoy certain things. These thoughts make me happy."

indeed they do.

when the spirit surrounds me.

2007-05-03T22:40:00.000-07:00

late night photography on palafox.

it's a great relief when you discover, by your own logic, that despite dealing with awful things, your life is largely great.

summons.

2006-12-24T23:00:00.000-08:00

i sit and smell the yellow
roses
blooming

i hide them in my house

behind the

window
they grow in circles all
around my
children

my children laugh and play with

yellow

roses

what will the everlasting tongue

be saying?

will you come?

will you go, now,

outside?

find the well

find the spring

and drink in life.

i hide behind the wall and
watch you
laughing
i see the air around you
swelling
telling
my brother whispers in
my ear
i'm sorry
he holds me in his arms
i'm gently
crying

what will the everlasting tongue

be saying?
who will come?
who will go, now,

outside?

find the well

find the spring

and drink in life.

look around and see what's
right before you.
turn around and see.

turn around and see what's
right behind you.

look around and see.

certain seaweeds: a glorious gift

2006-09-28T19:48:00.000-07:00

late this afternoon i rode my bike down to an area of town that is still very destroyed from the hurricane. for some reason i like to occasionally remind myself where i've come from, at the risk of melancholia. lately i've felt tired, exhausted from life. but instead, tonight, as i stared through the empty lots and bare trees at the red horizon i realized something beautiful: the future is bright. the unknown and unforseen in my life will be wonderful. the unanticipated will be welcomed, and the seaweed will spin beautiful patterns.

bury a stone, grow a boulder

2006-04-16T20:31:00.000-07:00

so i have this friend i met out west. she is mexican and very dignified. she was one of the only other young people who was speaking at the conference i attended. for three days i had been a loner. i had met two horses, and that's about it. she sort of befriended me about an hour before i had to lecture. i had been jittery and tense all day, and this young woman approached me for some conversation. it turns out she was speaking the same time i was. it also turns out she's a feminist sociologist. it also turns out she's brilliant. much smarter than i am, really.

anyway, after the conference had ended, she and i had agreed to keep in touch via email. eventually i asked her for her messaging name, and we started chatting online. one night we had this exhausting conversation about feminism and christianity. well, it was supposed to be just about feminism, but when i told her i couldn't completely agree with her, then it became about christianity too. my friend is not a christian. she's not an atheist either, but she pieces her worldview together as she sees fit. she was very generous, even when i was speaking christianese and talking about God and the garden and men and women being equal in the bible.
something strange happened when i was presenting my case. i felt threatened. in retrospect, my friend hadn't intimidated me or made me feel stupid because i wasn't as clever as she was. she kept saying that she wanted to hear what i thought, even that my thoughts weren't stupid, but i went on. i kept trying to prove things to her. i think i was really trying to prove it all to myself. to get it all out so that i could be cogent and intellectual and clever and still a christian. i botched it all up, it you want to know the truth. somewhere along the way i had come to this understanding that everyone who wasn't a chrsitian was out to get me, out to prove me wrong. my friend really just wanted to understand me, but i didn't get it. instead of speaking to her from my heart about how i really felt about Jesus, and about why, deep down, i believed what i did, i tried to brainwash her with my spring of knowledge.

so i was thinking about it yesterday, and i really felt as thought my friend valued my opinion when we were talking. like she valued me. this was really strange to me, because i couldn't understand that two people, from two completely different worldviews, who disagreed so thoroughly, could really value each other. sure, in my head i knew people could do this, and that i should, but outside theological arguments, i don't think i had ever really loved and respected someone who disagreed with me about something i felt was important. but my friend did. and it shocked me. i know that everyone deserves my love and acceptance, but i guess i thought there were corners of my room the sunlight didn't reach.

i know now that light reaches far. i know his light graces even the corners of our rooms. i really feel like i've had an epiphany, like i never knew there was a blue sky.

today i saw my friend online and i told her that i was sorry for being stupid, and that she had taught me an incredible lesson. she was great about it, and actually turned it around and thanked me for some other stuff i had said.

my friend's name is paulina, and she is a good woman.

the avalanche.

2006-04-07T23:18:00.000-07:00

rejoice friends.

and much to my dismay, sufjan and rosie thomas are NOT expecting. i know, i know...

the making of the beautiful.

2006-04-07T09:46:00.000-07:00

docks near my house, one week after hurricane ivan.

last night i moved into the once-destroyed house after a year and a half of being homeless.

i was reading in psalms this morning when i heard my dad put some music on in the next room. it was a scots woman playing a dirge on scottish flute. slowly i recalled where i was living the last time i had a stable home: i was in scotland. i also started to remember my friends, families, and daily walks i used to take. then i realized that these emotions were caught up in something bigger that was happening. as i began longing for all of this, i felt that, for me, the Lord was signaling the end of a long, hard season in my life. it hurts when you lose something. when you lose what you know as home, when you lose friends, families, and walks. i had lost all of this, moved to florida, and lost it all again.

sometimes we talk about who God is. sometimes we see Him, and sometimes we know Him. a friend once told me that what matters at any given moment is not what i think is true about the situation, but that what matters is who i know God is. God is love and truth and light, which is firm and doesn't change.

i had always talked about God as my provider, but now i know him as my provider, for i have seen his hand at work in my life. i have come through a difficult season, and looking now from the other side i can see that God has provided for me and for the needs of my family every step of the way.

i'd like to take this opportunity to thank God for his goodness.

be mindful you do the same.

life in wyoming: vol. 3 (gallup poll)

2006-03-31T23:41:00.000-08:00

if you had spent all day with a lesbian, a bisexual woman, a transexual woman, a gay cowboy, and a mexican feminist sociologist in laramie, wyoming, and ended up in the Cowboy Bar, would you ride a mechanical bull?

life in wyoming: vol. 2

2006-03-29T19:33:00.000-08:00

meet soren.

things i discovered today:

i discovered that there is an animal called a jackalope. it's sort of like a cross between a meerkat and an antelope. really.

i discovered that the taxi service of laramie, wyoming, consists of one aging woman and her 1981 cadillac deville.

i discovered that there are horses that have cow spots.

i re-discovered that i smoke a lot when i'm alone.

and i discovered that red shooting stars in the day aren't real. they're just jet smoke hit by the sun as it's going down.

life in wyoming, vol. 1

2006-03-29T17:44:00.000-08:00

wyoming is a strange place. nobody reading this will have been to wyoming because nobody comes here. i am convinced that there are only 50 people who live in wyoming, and they keep changing clothes just to keep me fooled.
wyoming is a beautiful place. my hotel is in the middle of a plain with more plains and rolling hills to the east, and snow-capped rocky mountains to the west. it's breath-taking. really, it is.
wyoming is a cold place. i opened my hotel window this morning to feel how cold it was. it didn't feel too cold to me so i went outside to explore wearing only a short sleeve shirt. i nearly froze. people who are used to cold, windy, snowy, mountainy weather wear clothes that indicate they are used to it. i felt out of place because while people were wandering around with shorts and long-sleeve shirts on, i was going about bundled in shirts and more shirts and a scarf and big jacket. oh and a wooly hat. i was still cold.
wyoming is a friendly place. i have made two friends since i've been in wyoming: both are horses.

dennis the mild.

2005-07-10T15:36:00.000-07:00

hurricane dennis made landfall this afternoon. taryon, barbara, rebekah and i went down to the water and took in the powerful wind and waves. it was freeing and inspiring.

hopefully the community won't incur too much damage from this storm. we're growing weary of hurricanes these days. i'm glad to get this in before the power goes out.