new beginnings: semper augustus.

in the spirit of the shedding-of the-old, embracing-of-the-new attitude of the season, i'm going to largely (but not completely) abandon my journaling here on of orchids and such. this is part of a new year shift that began for me earlier this year that i'd like to continue with into 2009. this shift includes reading more, writing more letters, being more intentional about investing in tangible relationships wherever in the world i might find myself, and generally spending less time piddling around on the web. i've begun a stripped-down variation over at wordpress, which will be less commentary about me and my life and more about linking to current events news, other blogs, and miscellaneous interestings. it's also possible that i'm going to begin writing literature reviews for captain obvious, in an effort to get his indie kids into reading books of substance, so keep your eyes peeled there as well.

i'll leave you with the tracklist for this year's mix. i've titled it 'semper augustus', in honor of a beautiful, extinct flower, and maybe for other reasons as well... i'll be making the mix available online for select friends and relations.
to those of you i love and cherish, enjoy.


semper.augustus

1. "Walking" - The Dodos
2. "Souveniers" - Architecture in Helsinki
3. "Wedding Dress" - Samamidon
4. "Oh, La" - Ra Ra Riot
5. "Blood" - The Middle East
6. "Whole Wide World" - Wreckless Eric
7. "Alone Again Or" - Love
8. "Anna" - Hello Saferide
9. "Eraser" - No Age
10. "Ain't No Sunshine" - Bill Withers
11. "RoboCop" - Kanye West
12. "California Stars" - Billy Bragg and Wilco
13. "Furr" - Blitzen Trapper
14. "Dreaming of Me" - Depeche Mode
15. "Willow Tree" - Chad VanGaalen
16. "On Tour With Zykos" - Okkervil River
17. "The Modern Leper" - Frightened Rabbit
18. "1981" - The Tough Alliance

l'abri autumn 2008

so it's been rather difficult to get in much blogging time here at l'abri. most of the time i have to pay to use the internet, and i'm intentional and brief when i do get on this thing. however, i've spent this afternoon uploading some photos for your viewing pleasure.

my time here at l'abri has been (insert a thousand adjectives) eventful. i've come through a difficult time of work and vocation exploration, and now have begun reading books i want to read and having conversations i want to have, as opposed to feeling like i need to do these things (like i did when i first came). i think i've become less stressed and better at holding things in tension. if nothing else (and there are other things), i've learned this. now i'm looking forward to going home, but trying not to give too much head space to this and live here and drink in being here every day until i have to leave. i'm not sure what's next for me, but i think i'm okay with that for now.

sadly my absentee ballot never came in the mail, so i'll have to sit back and watch tomorrow's election unfold without contributing a vote of my own.
lord be with us all.

much love from beautiful switzerland. -b.

Mademoiselle DiCristina

Lily Sofia DiCristina
Originally uploaded by Mark DiCristina

Meet Lily Sofia DiCristina. The newest addition to the DiCristina clan.

Lily was born to my brother and sister-in-law just before midnight on Monday, September 15. She weighed 9 lbs. 8 oz. at birth and was 21 inches long. She allegedly has long fingers and a dimple on one side (not sure which one!). Mother and child are healthy, and, as far as I can tell, Mark and Monica are loving being parents (and Mom and Dad, despite the unavoidable reality check, are loving being grandparents!). When I spoke to Mark the other day, he was saying things like "she's really cool", and "I'm not as tired as I thought I'd be." As much as it pains me to be away from family during these first moments of my first niece's life, I'm oh so grateful for the effortlessness of communication. It makes her delicacy, newness and beauty not seem quite so far away. What a miracle her life, and likewise all life, is. Even though I haven't held her, heard her, or really even seen her, I feel a gush of love for her. Mark, Michael and I never had a sister, and my parents never a daughter, so Ms. Lily will undoubtedly be one cherished and special little girl.

Here's to two proud parents, two proud grandparents, and two unspeakably proud uncles. Here's to new life, and to you, Lily Sofia. I love you and can't wait to meet you.

disappearing act.

my niece.

so as a result of my decision to stay on at l'abri as a helper for the fall term means that i won't be stateside for the birth of my neice, lily sophia dicristina. this is a big moment for my family (the first child of my brothers and i), and it pains me knowing that i won't be around for lily's arrival. i suppose i'm doing some pre-grieving and public acknowledgment that i feel terrible that i will miss the occasion.

the photo above was taken at the mac store in lausanne yesterday. the stupid computer wouldn't let me on the internet except for looking at apple.com, so i opened the 'mail' application and downloaded three months worth of emails onto the computer just to read a couple new ones. one of the emails i received was from mark (who, with my sister-in-law, are expecting in september), as he had taken several photos of their handsome pooch arthur with his fancy new camera. i stuck my favorite one on the desktop and smiled.

greatest show ever: sigur ros for free.

so after my last post i mentioned that i would either be going to see paul simon in montreux or sigur ros in lausanne. several of you asked which show i ended up at, and i'm pleased to say that a friend and i both got into see sigur ros with just one ticket. before i saw them, i would have said that if i could see any band in the world, i'd see sigur ros. thankfully it lived up to my expectations. it was perhaps the best show i've ever been to. it was happy and sad and so beautiful. so here's the scoop:

i drove to lausanne with a friend who has a car, and we were totally lost in the city so we were asking people for directions and no one spoke english. so we ended up asking this guy and he was going to the show, which was crazy because we were on the total opposite end of the town and we'd have never found the venue without dude. we took him in our car and he told us that a friend of his might have a couple tickets. he called and said his friend only had one. so we waited around and a histerical woman sold us a ticket for the original price (60 francs) and waited for dude's friend to show up. ten minutes later his friend called and said his girlfriend would be coming with him and so he didn't have a ticket. mega let down. so we still had only one. we were begging and cajoling the security to just let us in or let us pay ticket price or something, but to no avail. so i told eric to go ahead and go in, and he did. fifteen minutes later he felt bad and came out and asked the security if i could go in if he came out. they reluctantly said yes, so i walked in. and i guess they had a flush of compassion, because they let eric back in after me. so i got in without a ticket to see sigur ros. in switzerland. it was amazing.

arvo part says that music should be thought of more as texture than structure. meaning that it should be a place for people to dwell, not just notes for people to appreciate the theory or aesthetic. i think this is what i like about sigur ros. i have no idea what they're saying, but i can feel the sheer emotion pulsing through so clearly, and it takes me up.

so beautiful.

this is a video of the show i took that night. it's the first couple minutes of 'saeglopur', which is one of my faves. make sure you turn your volume down before you play it, as it was quite loud inside the venue.

photographie.

evening at the targets with magda.



another evening at the targets with a friend, curtis, from oklahoma.



one cold, cloudy day.



moonrise over the l'argentine ridge.



afternoon hike at solalex.



my temporary home. taken outside chalet chesalet, where i eat some of my meals.



lovely swiss cows, their bells ringing day and night.



downstairs at farel house, our library/chapel.



taken at la gourmandine the last time i posted. jongmoon (above at right) was teaching everyone a south korean game.



cousin magda! this was taken at the targets the night of her one-year anniversary. we drank ollon's finest pinot noir in memory of joel.















this is the view from my room, the first day i arrived.


so i've decided to stay on at l'abri as a helper for the fall term, which means i won't be back stateside until december. i don't know how it ended up that i came for ten days and will now be staying for six months, but it just did. lots of theology, philosophy, and vocation-specific exploration in the coming months. thanks to everyone for your prayers and well-wishes.

a friend from california has a car here, and this afternoon we're deciding which of two concerts to go to and try and scalp for tickets:

sigur ros in lausanne.
or
paul simon at the montreaux jazz festival.

my heart hurts at taking one over the other, but we shall see what eventualizes.

i must sign off for now, but i'll post more photos and life commentary soon...

much love, from la suisse.

wednesday evening rap session?

i've been helping jasie digitize 50+ years of l'abri lectures that are on cassette tapes. today i came across one i was hoping would be legendary. sadly, it's not what i was expecting.

i promise to post more photos soon. it takes ages to load just one, and seeing as i'm paying for this service by the minute, i'm going to wait for a more opportune time.

much love, from la suisse.

surprise visit!

so just before dinner tonight, i was walking into the kitchen when i heard kay shout, "magda!" realizing immediately that i've ever known one person called magda, i turned around and there was standing my cousin's cousin magda tigchelaar!

so my mother's brother married magda's father's sister. i guess we're not technically related, but it's still fun. neither of us knew that the other would be here, so it was an unexpected surprise. unfortunately she's only here until wednesday, but i'm glad to have another friendly face around for a few days. i'll post photos soon.

from la suisse: at last.

dearest friends and relations,

greetings from huemoz! i've been trying to blog for three weeks, but the computer situation here isn't entirely compatible with sitting down and taking my time to write something thoughtful. at the moment i'm sitting with a few friends as la gourmandine, a classy creperie just above huemoz in the ski village of villars. they have free internet here, and a kiwi friend has graciously allowed me to hijack her computer for a few moments so that i can pen a few thoughts.

i had originally intended to stay here for just 10 days, which turned into two weeks, which turned into three weeks, which turned into three months. i can't imagine now what it would have been like to stay here for just ten days. getting situated in the community here, getting on and following a particular study path, developing a relationship with my tutor (may God be merciful to you, Richard!). there's a consistency and relationship that develops with time here, and it feels so freeing to be able to ask questions freely without (most of the time) people jumping down my throat in judgment. people are shuffling through here for a few days at a time pretty often, and i don't understand how they ever get anything done. for some reason it was difficult for me to decide to stay here the whole term (not for some reason: my pragmatic nature with regard to finances), but once i decided to stay i knew it was the best thing for me. L'Abri is french for 'the shelter', and i have found it a safe place to rest, refuel, and ask questions that bug me. it's wild for me to think about people in my family that have lived here for different stretches of time: my godmother gini who was here almost 50 years ago, my mother and uncle in the late 60's - early 70's, cousins and friends more recently. it's fun to think about where they all lived, ate, places they loved to take walks and think.

we have a great group of helpers and students here this term, and most of us get along really, really well. i got an email from gini last night after she remembered that an old friend of hers (and of L'Abri's) works at a home for learning challenged children near bern. apparently they make furniture and cultivate a garden there. gini seems to think that the garden might be therapeutic in nature, which would be really interesting to investigate. an aussie horticulturist friend and i are thinking about taking a day trip up (maybe hitching a ride with gian sandri) to get a feel for the happenings there.

so this term will ends july 21, and i couldn't get a flight out until august 12, so i'll have a few weeks to kick around after everyone leaves. i've been asked to house sit for family friends in huemoz, but i'd also like to spend time at the Taizé community in france. and maybe, if my time with max (in bern) goes well, it may well be enticing to spend time with him working with the children as well. we shall see...

the flower above is one of switzerland's countless wildflowers, fields of which are aplenty on and around the mountain where we live. sadly, they are mown down from time to time. to my shame, and against my will, i weed-wacked a hillside of them last week. i'm hoping they grow back soon. i don't know the name of the flower above, but i'll find out and post it next time.

À la prochaine.

on holiday.

my last day of work.

so, at long last, i have reached the end of my employment with florida's child welfare system. it's been a long, hard year. it's been challenging and overwhelming with occasional flashes of fruitfulness. i've talked with my friends and housemates about how i'm struggling to make peace with leaving my kids behind. on one hand, most of my cases are not demanding and will survive fine after i leave. on the other hand, i have a few kids that i'm (too) emotionally involved with, and they're cases are complex and they won't be taken care of after i leave. all the same, i feel i need to leave to keep my head above. i feel like leaving is the right decision, but i can't help feeling like i could have done more, especially on my most discouraging case that i still have no closure on. walking away from someone vulnerable is always unsettling.

but tomorrow is bright.

i'm going to spend some time at swiss l'abri and in sicily, and i'm looking forward to resting. i'm anticipating an eventual relocation for school, either later this year or early next year. but until then, i feel like there's so much fresh potential for positive change. there are a lot of areas of my life that are up in the air right now, and i'm excited about what my life will look like in a year's time.

i was arranging some songs on my computer this morning, and the last few lines of brett dennen's 'don't forget' struck me as appropriate for my separation anxiety on this last day of work:

don't be afraid, should things happen to change,
'cause change can be a beautiful thing.
should things fall apart
be patient like a rainbow,
life is loving and letting go.

hangin' tough.

so i have no personal investment in kansas basketball other than having been the only person i know to have picked them to win the ncaa championship.  the game was a nail-biter, going down to the last seconds in regulation with mario chalmers (above) hitting a three with mere seconds remaining to send the game to OT.  kansas dominated thenceforth.  i won my pool for the second year in a row and hopefully my friends and co-workers will pay up (ahem) this year.  tonight was fun because i got to watch the game from beverly, massachusetts with my cousin andrew.  he was initially antagonistic and eventually solidaritous (not really a word).  my northeast tour has been a whirlwind, yet somehow refreshing voyage of meetings, tours, kind old friends, kind new friends, lavished hospitality, music, secret societies, pretending to have strokes, and my first tandem bike ride.  and lots and lots of public transportation.

andrew and i are going to spend the day together tomorrow with wee henry.  the report is that we're going to explore a beach somewhere north of here, and i'm hoping to seek out the best cappuccino in the land while we're at it.  then listen to the red sox home opener with a cup of hot tea and several delightful friends before i head back to florida.

the quiet mary knew

What they felt was this: Isn't it

Fantastically sweet beyond all other mysteries,

And yet immensely earthbound:

That he, slightly pale still from the grave,

Walked light as air toward her,

Risen in every particle of his being.

Oh it was to her first. Far beyond speech

They felt that healing.

Yes, healing was what it was

And there was no need for firm touch.

He laid for a second only

His hand, about to be

Eternal, on her woman's shoulder.

And they began

As quietly as trees in April,

Wholly mingled,

The new season

Of their deepest union

rilke's 'the quiet mary knew with the Risen Christ'. translation by robert bly.



The Lord is risen indeed! Alleluia!

Pietà

after my last post, sarah sent me stephen spender's translation (available upon request) of Rilke's before the passion.  i asked her if she would pass on his translation of the next poem in the life of the virgin mary series.  i should have posted this on thursday, because Holy Saturday is traditionally seen as the day that Jesus laid in the tomb. 

rainer maria rilke's pieta.

Now is my misery complete, and namelessly

it fills me up.  I stare here as the stone's

existence stares.

Hard as I am, I know one thing:

You had grown up -

...... and had grown up

so that, as to much pain

and quite beyond the grasping of my heart,

you should stand out.

Now you lie straight across my lap,

now I can no longer any more

bear you.

until i started writing this, i forgot that i had the humbling experience of standing in St. Peters basilica years ago and (apart from other amazing things) cast eyes upon michelangelo's masterpiece.  

may we use this last day in Lent to reflect on the darkness and hopelessness of a world without God and his grace.

thoughts from the weekend.

i had another old friend who visited over the weekend. felisa dyrud is a part of the hervey clan, who are family friends from back in our virginia theological seminary days when i was just a few years old. the herveys were missionaries in chile' for nine years and then kazakhstan for four years. i think they've lived in many other places too, but i can't remember now. felisa is the second oldest child, and we were childhood chums because we were the same age.

fast-forward: felisa met her husband, peter dyrud, at the air force academy and they've been happily married for nearly two years. peter is now at the kennedy school of government (taught by, among others, samantha power), and they live not far from my cousins in cambridge. anyway, felisa is doing some training in biloxi, ms, for six weeks and came down to run the mcguires 5k with me this weekend. i'm proud to say that i kept pace with her, because felisa won the military women's heavy (35 lbs. on her back) category at he bataan death march last year! she brought some friends down as well, and we had chilled-out beachtimes all weekend.




i heard dad preach yesterday. first time in awhile. he gave a stirring sermon on walking in the way of the cross, which you can ready briefly about here.

i was recently given a thoughtful and wonderful gift-book called the winged energy of delight. it's a collection of poems translated by robert bly. persian poets, european poets, south american poets, most of whom i don't know. but they're all so good. one newly discovered poet that i've enjoyed getting to know is rainer maria rilke. rilke was a 19th century bohemian poet who wrote beautifully about nature and seemed to be a people-watcher. there's also an acute spirituality to his poems. he penned a series called the life of the virgin mary, which consists of thirteen poems, each one dedicated to a particular time in mary's life. i'll leave you with before the passion, which is particularly appropriate for Holy Week:

O did you want this, you should not have
come from the womb of a woman:
Saviors one has to mine in the mountains,
where one breaks the rough from the rough.

Do you not feel sorry for laying waste
to your beloved valley? Behold my weakness;
I have nothing but brooks of milk and tears,
And you were always in superior numbers.

With such expense you had been announced to me.
Why did you not step out of me, wildly, immediately?
If you need only tigers to tear you apart,
why was I raised in the women's house,
to weave a soft, pure robe for you,
in which not even the seam discomforts you -
such was my whole life,
and now you suddenly reverse its nature.

may the Lord answer you...

the above video is of ben dudley, an old acquaintance of mine, at his high school graduation. i've been hearing this story for years, and he finally decided to post his shame on youtube, much to the delight of his friends. just so everyone knows, the graduation was being broadcast LIVE to several big cities in texas, and there were several thousand in attendance when this took place.
i hope you laugh as hard as i did.

ben also posted an obamania video i've never seen, with appearences by scarlett johansen, john legend, will.i.am, kareem abdul jabar (what an advantage to have dr. j on your team!), and miscellaneous cast members of lost, prison break and 24, among others. they sing the words of an obama speech.

very cool.


[when i'm wrong: my brother mark pointed out, embarrassingly, that dr. j is julius irving, not kareem abdul jabar. i stand corrected, but obama still has a dominant forward in kareem!]

leap day index.

from jessica hagy's indexed blog.

anyone have a good leap year tradition?

happy february 29th!

fathers and sons.

my dad passed on to me an article this morning about frank schaeffer's recent book, crazy for God. frank schaeffer is the son of francis schaeffer; the theologian, philosopher, and (perhaps most notably) founder of the international network of l'abri communities. i have no personal connection with the l'abri communities, but many of my friends and family members have been forever changed by the positive impact l'abri has had on their lives. the book is frank's memoir, in which he epically mocks the life and work of his parents, effectively impaling their integrity. the article was a response to the book, written by a very close, very old friend of the schaeffers: mr. os guinness. the article is, simply put, a defense of the schaeffer's integrity by someone who for years was intimately involved with their life and work. i was quite saddened after having read the article, even though guinness ends his response with great hope of a journey home.

others will no doubt be discouraged after this reading, not least of whom will be my superhuman godmother gini andrews, who also lived and worked with the schaeffers in switzerland for many years. i know she loved and respected them deeply. also my mother and uncle, whose lives were dramatically altered after experiences at l'abri. i feel in this way my brothers and i (and all our amazing cousins) are somehow marked by the work of the schaeffers, which has played a pivotal role in the history, redemption, and reconciliation of my family.

half-taxed and unburdened: the story of the danes.

an interesting piece by morley safer. more isn't better, and the american dream seems to be taking it's toll. the best predictor of happiness is close friends and close relationships. oh, and six months paternity leave doesn't hurt either.