Wednesday, August 29, 2007

holy ghosts and orchids.

i'm going to start inserting an orchid with each entry as i blog. enjoy.



this is a ghost orchid. i believe it might be the most beautiful of all flowers. it is incredibly rare, and extremely difficult to grow anywhere outside it's native habitat. it is commonly called the "ghost" orchid because it's roots blend in, which gives the flower the appearance of floating in the air without stem or stalk, like a ghost. the lower lip, a unique petal in all orchids, has become something singular and breathtaking in the ghost orchid. the lip divides, and spins slightly downward, as if it has grown a pair of short legs. the ghost is an epiphytic orchid, meaning that it has roots which anchor to trees, allowing the plant to grow without ever touching the ground. epiphytic orchids are never parasitic. they have special roots, encased in special velamen, which absorbs moisture and other elements from the air and rain. the existence of such a beautiful flower boggles my mind. i have never been privileged to see a specimen in person, but one day... sigh... perhaps.

i've been having a few email conversations with my dad and my cousin andrew. i thought i'd share some of the content of the exchanges here. some of the discourse was born from a short book on prayer that i've been reading, and some from my work experience of late. enjoy.

"...Anyway, I think he's saying that as created, material beings one of the unique ways that we can know and bless God is through and on account of the material creation. Hence many great hymns and psalms extolling God for the wonders of creation, or "beauties of nature", and the sacraments, and again, Jesus. The resurrection of the body says that the body is important to God, and knowing/ experiencing/blessing God, at least in part, through our bodily senses is again, an essential part of his design and desire. The material, created order is important to
God - especially human beings. We aren't just spirits trapped in decaying bodies that one day we will shed for a purely spiritual existence. Jesus came to redeem our whole selves. Hence we say in the Creed that we believe in the resurrection of the body."

"I often feel exhausted, whether I've slept a lot or a little, whether I've worked twelve hours or six. Nevertheless, the last month I have felt happy. I made a decision to read more, to take care of myself spiritually, to serve, and to do things I love. I dive fully into experiencing God in a number of ways, and I'm thrilled that I'm not simply a 'trapped spirit.' I love to love music and mountains and waves and flowers and books. Everything I do has become spiritual to me, like a prayer. And I love it. It's like my life is a song, and when I'm happy and doing things i love, i'm like one worshipping. It's a never ending cycle of blessing: God blesses me by presenting me with opportunities to love certain things, and I respond by enjoying them. And I love it, because I feel this blesses Him, like we're enjoying each other.

"I guess I've written all this to say that this attitude is helping me cope with the stresses I face as a social worker, and I suppose I didn't realize it until now. It's hard for me not to internalize things and make my client's problems my own. I wake up dreaming about kids and parents, about their livelihoods and futures. I think being intentional about enjoying life, as well as being life to those around me, has helped me immensely.

"I've been given so many gifts, and I've squandered so many chances to be thankful. I don't fully understand why God chose to bless us and give us things and people to love, but it's so beautiful, isn't it? That he would create each of us with a precise disposition, to love and enjoy certain things. These thoughts make me happy."

indeed they do.

Thursday, May 3, 2007

when the spirit surrounds me.


late night photography on palafox.


it's a great relief when you discover, by your own logic, that despite dealing with awful things, your life is largely great.

Sunday, December 24, 2006

summons.

i sit and smell the yellow
roses
blooming
i hide them in my house
behind the
window
they grow in circles all
around my
children
my children laugh and play with
yellow
roses


what will the everlasting tongue
be saying?
will you come?
will you go, now,
outside?
find the well
find the spring
and drink in life.

i hide behind the wall and
watch you
laughing
i see the air around you
swelling
telling
my brother whispers in
my ear
i'm sorry
he holds me in his arms
i'm gently
crying

what will the everlasting tongue
be saying?
who will come?
who will go, now,
outside?
find the well
find the spring
and drink in life.

look around and see what's
right before you.
turn around and see.

turn around and see what's
right behind you.
look around and see.


Thursday, September 28, 2006

certain seaweeds: a glorious gift



late this afternoon i rode my bike down to an area of town that is still very destroyed from the hurricane. for some reason i like to occasionally remind myself where i've come from, at the risk of melancholia. lately i've felt tired, exhausted from life. but instead, tonight, as i stared through the empty lots and bare trees at the red horizon i realized something beautiful: the future is bright. the unknown and unforseen in my life will be wonderful. the unanticipated will be welcomed, and the seaweed will spin beautiful patterns.

Sunday, April 16, 2006

bury a stone, grow a boulder



so i have this friend i met out west. she is mexican and very dignified. she was one of the only other young people who was speaking at the conference i attended. for three days i had been a loner. i had met two horses, and that's about it. she sort of befriended me about an hour before i had to lecture. i had been jittery and tense all day, and this young woman approached me for some conversation. it turns out she was speaking the same time i was. it also turns out she's a feminist sociologist. it also turns out she's brilliant. much smarter than i am, really.

anyway, after the conference had ended, she and i had agreed to keep in touch via email. eventually i asked her for her messaging name, and we started chatting online. one night we had this exhausting conversation about feminism and christianity. well, it was supposed to be just about feminism, but when i told her i couldn't completely agree with her, then it became about christianity too. my friend is not a christian. she's not an atheist either, but she pieces her worldview together as she sees fit. she was very generous, even when i was speaking christianese and talking about God and the garden and men and women being equal in the bible.
something strange happened when i was presenting my case. i felt threatened. in retrospect, my friend hadn't intimidated me or made me feel stupid because i wasn't as clever as she was. she kept saying that she wanted to hear what i thought, even that my thoughts weren't stupid, but i went on. i kept trying to prove things to her. i think i was really trying to prove it all to myself. to get it all out so that i could be cogent and intellectual and clever and still a christian. i botched it all up, it you want to know the truth. somewhere along the way i had come to this understanding that everyone who wasn't a chrsitian was out to get me, out to prove me wrong. my friend really just wanted to understand me, but i didn't get it. instead of speaking to her from my heart about how i really felt about Jesus, and about why, deep down, i believed what i did, i tried to brainwash her with my spring of knowledge.

so i was thinking about it yesterday, and i really felt as thought my friend valued my opinion when we were talking. like she valued me. this was really strange to me, because i couldn't understand that two people, from two completely different worldviews, who disagreed so thoroughly, could really value each other. sure, in my head i knew people could do this, and that i should, but outside theological arguments, i don't think i had ever really loved and respected someone who disagreed with me about something i felt was important. but my friend did. and it shocked me. i know that everyone deserves my love and acceptance, but i guess i thought there were corners of my room the sunlight didn't reach.

i know now that light reaches far. i know his light graces even the corners of our rooms. i really feel like i've had an epiphany, like i never knew there was a blue sky.

today i saw my friend online and i told her that i was sorry for being stupid, and that she had taught me an incredible lesson. she was great about it, and actually turned it around and thanked me for some other stuff i had said.

my friend's name is paulina, and she is a good woman.

Friday, April 7, 2006

the avalanche.

rejoice friends.

and much to my dismay, sufjan and rosie thomas are NOT expecting. i know, i know...

the making of the beautiful.


docks near my house, one week after hurricane ivan.

last night i moved into the once-destroyed house after a year and a half of being homeless.

i was reading in psalms this morning when i heard my dad put some music on in the next room. it was a scots woman playing a dirge on scottish flute. slowly i recalled where i was living the last time i had a stable home: i was in scotland. i also started to remember my friends, families, and daily walks i used to take. then i realized that these emotions were caught up in something bigger that was happening. as i began longing for all of this, i felt that, for me, the Lord was signaling the end of a long, hard season in my life. it hurts when you lose something. when you lose what you know as home, when you lose friends, families, and walks. i had lost all of this, moved to florida, and lost it all again.

sometimes we talk about who God is. sometimes we see Him, and sometimes we know Him. a friend once told me that what matters at any given moment is not what i think is true about the situation, but that what matters is who i know God is. God is love and truth and light, which is firm and doesn't change.

i had always talked about God as my provider, but now i know him as my provider, for i have seen his hand at work in my life. i have come through a difficult season, and looking now from the other side i can see that God has provided for me and for the needs of my family every step of the way.

i'd like to take this opportunity to thank God for his goodness.

be mindful you do the same.