on holiday.

my last day of work.

so, at long last, i have reached the end of my employment with florida's child welfare system. it's been a long, hard year. it's been challenging and overwhelming with occasional flashes of fruitfulness. i've talked with my friends and housemates about how i'm struggling to make peace with leaving my kids behind. on one hand, most of my cases are not demanding and will survive fine after i leave. on the other hand, i have a few kids that i'm (too) emotionally involved with, and they're cases are complex and they won't be taken care of after i leave. all the same, i feel i need to leave to keep my head above. i feel like leaving is the right decision, but i can't help feeling like i could have done more, especially on my most discouraging case that i still have no closure on. walking away from someone vulnerable is always unsettling.

but tomorrow is bright.

i'm going to spend some time at swiss l'abri and in sicily, and i'm looking forward to resting. i'm anticipating an eventual relocation for school, either later this year or early next year. but until then, i feel like there's so much fresh potential for positive change. there are a lot of areas of my life that are up in the air right now, and i'm excited about what my life will look like in a year's time.

i was arranging some songs on my computer this morning, and the last few lines of brett dennen's 'don't forget' struck me as appropriate for my separation anxiety on this last day of work:

don't be afraid, should things happen to change,
'cause change can be a beautiful thing.
should things fall apart
be patient like a rainbow,
life is loving and letting go.

hangin' tough.

so i have no personal investment in kansas basketball other than having been the only person i know to have picked them to win the ncaa championship.  the game was a nail-biter, going down to the last seconds in regulation with mario chalmers (above) hitting a three with mere seconds remaining to send the game to OT.  kansas dominated thenceforth.  i won my pool for the second year in a row and hopefully my friends and co-workers will pay up (ahem) this year.  tonight was fun because i got to watch the game from beverly, massachusetts with my cousin andrew.  he was initially antagonistic and eventually solidaritous (not really a word).  my northeast tour has been a whirlwind, yet somehow refreshing voyage of meetings, tours, kind old friends, kind new friends, lavished hospitality, music, secret societies, pretending to have strokes, and my first tandem bike ride.  and lots and lots of public transportation.

andrew and i are going to spend the day together tomorrow with wee henry.  the report is that we're going to explore a beach somewhere north of here, and i'm hoping to seek out the best cappuccino in the land while we're at it.  then listen to the red sox home opener with a cup of hot tea and several delightful friends before i head back to florida.

the quiet mary knew

What they felt was this: Isn't it

Fantastically sweet beyond all other mysteries,

And yet immensely earthbound:

That he, slightly pale still from the grave,

Walked light as air toward her,

Risen in every particle of his being.

Oh it was to her first. Far beyond speech

They felt that healing.

Yes, healing was what it was

And there was no need for firm touch.

He laid for a second only

His hand, about to be

Eternal, on her woman's shoulder.

And they began

As quietly as trees in April,

Wholly mingled,

The new season

Of their deepest union

rilke's 'the quiet mary knew with the Risen Christ'. translation by robert bly.



The Lord is risen indeed! Alleluia!

Pietà

after my last post, sarah sent me stephen spender's translation (available upon request) of Rilke's before the passion.  i asked her if she would pass on his translation of the next poem in the life of the virgin mary series.  i should have posted this on thursday, because Holy Saturday is traditionally seen as the day that Jesus laid in the tomb. 

rainer maria rilke's pieta.

Now is my misery complete, and namelessly

it fills me up.  I stare here as the stone's

existence stares.

Hard as I am, I know one thing:

You had grown up -

...... and had grown up

so that, as to much pain

and quite beyond the grasping of my heart,

you should stand out.

Now you lie straight across my lap,

now I can no longer any more

bear you.

until i started writing this, i forgot that i had the humbling experience of standing in St. Peters basilica years ago and (apart from other amazing things) cast eyes upon michelangelo's masterpiece.  

may we use this last day in Lent to reflect on the darkness and hopelessness of a world without God and his grace.

thoughts from the weekend.

i had another old friend who visited over the weekend. felisa dyrud is a part of the hervey clan, who are family friends from back in our virginia theological seminary days when i was just a few years old. the herveys were missionaries in chile' for nine years and then kazakhstan for four years. i think they've lived in many other places too, but i can't remember now. felisa is the second oldest child, and we were childhood chums because we were the same age.

fast-forward: felisa met her husband, peter dyrud, at the air force academy and they've been happily married for nearly two years. peter is now at the kennedy school of government (taught by, among others, samantha power), and they live not far from my cousins in cambridge. anyway, felisa is doing some training in biloxi, ms, for six weeks and came down to run the mcguires 5k with me this weekend. i'm proud to say that i kept pace with her, because felisa won the military women's heavy (35 lbs. on her back) category at he bataan death march last year! she brought some friends down as well, and we had chilled-out beachtimes all weekend.




i heard dad preach yesterday. first time in awhile. he gave a stirring sermon on walking in the way of the cross, which you can ready briefly about here.

i was recently given a thoughtful and wonderful gift-book called the winged energy of delight. it's a collection of poems translated by robert bly. persian poets, european poets, south american poets, most of whom i don't know. but they're all so good. one newly discovered poet that i've enjoyed getting to know is rainer maria rilke. rilke was a 19th century bohemian poet who wrote beautifully about nature and seemed to be a people-watcher. there's also an acute spirituality to his poems. he penned a series called the life of the virgin mary, which consists of thirteen poems, each one dedicated to a particular time in mary's life. i'll leave you with before the passion, which is particularly appropriate for Holy Week:

O did you want this, you should not have
come from the womb of a woman:
Saviors one has to mine in the mountains,
where one breaks the rough from the rough.

Do you not feel sorry for laying waste
to your beloved valley? Behold my weakness;
I have nothing but brooks of milk and tears,
And you were always in superior numbers.

With such expense you had been announced to me.
Why did you not step out of me, wildly, immediately?
If you need only tigers to tear you apart,
why was I raised in the women's house,
to weave a soft, pure robe for you,
in which not even the seam discomforts you -
such was my whole life,
and now you suddenly reverse its nature.

may the Lord answer you...

the above video is of ben dudley, an old acquaintance of mine, at his high school graduation. i've been hearing this story for years, and he finally decided to post his shame on youtube, much to the delight of his friends. just so everyone knows, the graduation was being broadcast LIVE to several big cities in texas, and there were several thousand in attendance when this took place.
i hope you laugh as hard as i did.

ben also posted an obamania video i've never seen, with appearences by scarlett johansen, john legend, will.i.am, kareem abdul jabar (what an advantage to have dr. j on your team!), and miscellaneous cast members of lost, prison break and 24, among others. they sing the words of an obama speech.

very cool.


[when i'm wrong: my brother mark pointed out, embarrassingly, that dr. j is julius irving, not kareem abdul jabar. i stand corrected, but obama still has a dominant forward in kareem!]