my last day of work.

so, at long last, i have reached the end of my employment with florida's child welfare system. it's been a long, hard year. it's been challenging and overwhelming with occasional flashes of fruitfulness. i've talked with my friends and housemates about how i'm struggling to make peace with leaving my kids behind. on one hand, most of my cases are not demanding and will survive fine after i leave. on the other hand, i have a few kids that i'm (too) emotionally involved with, and they're cases are complex and they won't be taken care of after i leave. all the same, i feel i need to leave to keep my head above. i feel like leaving is the right decision, but i can't help feeling like i could have done more, especially on my most discouraging case that i still have no closure on. walking away from someone vulnerable is always unsettling.

but tomorrow is bright.

i'm going to spend some time at swiss l'abri and in sicily, and i'm looking forward to resting. i'm anticipating an eventual relocation for school, either later this year or early next year. but until then, i feel like there's so much fresh potential for positive change. there are a lot of areas of my life that are up in the air right now, and i'm excited about what my life will look like in a year's time.

i was arranging some songs on my computer this morning, and the last few lines of brett dennen's 'don't forget' struck me as appropriate for my separation anxiety on this last day of work:

don't be afraid, should things happen to change,
'cause change can be a beautiful thing.
should things fall apart
be patient like a rainbow,
life is loving and letting go.