l'abri autumn 2008

so it's been rather difficult to get in much blogging time here at l'abri. most of the time i have to pay to use the internet, and i'm intentional and brief when i do get on this thing. however, i've spent this afternoon uploading some photos for your viewing pleasure.

my time here at l'abri has been (insert a thousand adjectives) eventful. i've come through a difficult time of work and vocation exploration, and now have begun reading books i want to read and having conversations i want to have, as opposed to feeling like i need to do these things (like i did when i first came). i think i've become less stressed and better at holding things in tension. if nothing else (and there are other things), i've learned this. now i'm looking forward to going home, but trying not to give too much head space to this and live here and drink in being here every day until i have to leave. i'm not sure what's next for me, but i think i'm okay with that for now.

sadly my absentee ballot never came in the mail, so i'll have to sit back and watch tomorrow's election unfold without contributing a vote of my own.
lord be with us all.

much love from beautiful switzerland. -b.

Mademoiselle DiCristina

Lily Sofia DiCristina
Originally uploaded by Mark DiCristina

Meet Lily Sofia DiCristina. The newest addition to the DiCristina clan.

Lily was born to my brother and sister-in-law just before midnight on Monday, September 15. She weighed 9 lbs. 8 oz. at birth and was 21 inches long. She allegedly has long fingers and a dimple on one side (not sure which one!). Mother and child are healthy, and, as far as I can tell, Mark and Monica are loving being parents (and Mom and Dad, despite the unavoidable reality check, are loving being grandparents!). When I spoke to Mark the other day, he was saying things like "she's really cool", and "I'm not as tired as I thought I'd be." As much as it pains me to be away from family during these first moments of my first niece's life, I'm oh so grateful for the effortlessness of communication. It makes her delicacy, newness and beauty not seem quite so far away. What a miracle her life, and likewise all life, is. Even though I haven't held her, heard her, or really even seen her, I feel a gush of love for her. Mark, Michael and I never had a sister, and my parents never a daughter, so Ms. Lily will undoubtedly be one cherished and special little girl.

Here's to two proud parents, two proud grandparents, and two unspeakably proud uncles. Here's to new life, and to you, Lily Sofia. I love you and can't wait to meet you.

disappearing act.

my niece.

so as a result of my decision to stay on at l'abri as a helper for the fall term means that i won't be stateside for the birth of my neice, lily sophia dicristina. this is a big moment for my family (the first child of my brothers and i), and it pains me knowing that i won't be around for lily's arrival. i suppose i'm doing some pre-grieving and public acknowledgment that i feel terrible that i will miss the occasion.

the photo above was taken at the mac store in lausanne yesterday. the stupid computer wouldn't let me on the internet except for looking at apple.com, so i opened the 'mail' application and downloaded three months worth of emails onto the computer just to read a couple new ones. one of the emails i received was from mark (who, with my sister-in-law, are expecting in september), as he had taken several photos of their handsome pooch arthur with his fancy new camera. i stuck my favorite one on the desktop and smiled.

greatest show ever: sigur ros for free.

so after my last post i mentioned that i would either be going to see paul simon in montreux or sigur ros in lausanne. several of you asked which show i ended up at, and i'm pleased to say that a friend and i both got into see sigur ros with just one ticket. before i saw them, i would have said that if i could see any band in the world, i'd see sigur ros. thankfully it lived up to my expectations. it was perhaps the best show i've ever been to. it was happy and sad and so beautiful. so here's the scoop:

i drove to lausanne with a friend who has a car, and we were totally lost in the city so we were asking people for directions and no one spoke english. so we ended up asking this guy and he was going to the show, which was crazy because we were on the total opposite end of the town and we'd have never found the venue without dude. we took him in our car and he told us that a friend of his might have a couple tickets. he called and said his friend only had one. so we waited around and a histerical woman sold us a ticket for the original price (60 francs) and waited for dude's friend to show up. ten minutes later his friend called and said his girlfriend would be coming with him and so he didn't have a ticket. mega let down. so we still had only one. we were begging and cajoling the security to just let us in or let us pay ticket price or something, but to no avail. so i told eric to go ahead and go in, and he did. fifteen minutes later he felt bad and came out and asked the security if i could go in if he came out. they reluctantly said yes, so i walked in. and i guess they had a flush of compassion, because they let eric back in after me. so i got in without a ticket to see sigur ros. in switzerland. it was amazing.

arvo part says that music should be thought of more as texture than structure. meaning that it should be a place for people to dwell, not just notes for people to appreciate the theory or aesthetic. i think this is what i like about sigur ros. i have no idea what they're saying, but i can feel the sheer emotion pulsing through so clearly, and it takes me up.

so beautiful.

this is a video of the show i took that night. it's the first couple minutes of 'saeglopur', which is one of my faves. make sure you turn your volume down before you play it, as it was quite loud inside the venue.

photographie.

evening at the targets with magda.



another evening at the targets with a friend, curtis, from oklahoma.



one cold, cloudy day.



moonrise over the l'argentine ridge.



afternoon hike at solalex.



my temporary home. taken outside chalet chesalet, where i eat some of my meals.



lovely swiss cows, their bells ringing day and night.



downstairs at farel house, our library/chapel.



taken at la gourmandine the last time i posted. jongmoon (above at right) was teaching everyone a south korean game.



cousin magda! this was taken at the targets the night of her one-year anniversary. we drank ollon's finest pinot noir in memory of joel.















this is the view from my room, the first day i arrived.


so i've decided to stay on at l'abri as a helper for the fall term, which means i won't be back stateside until december. i don't know how it ended up that i came for ten days and will now be staying for six months, but it just did. lots of theology, philosophy, and vocation-specific exploration in the coming months. thanks to everyone for your prayers and well-wishes.

a friend from california has a car here, and this afternoon we're deciding which of two concerts to go to and try and scalp for tickets:

sigur ros in lausanne.
or
paul simon at the montreaux jazz festival.

my heart hurts at taking one over the other, but we shall see what eventualizes.

i must sign off for now, but i'll post more photos and life commentary soon...

much love, from la suisse.

wednesday evening rap session?

i've been helping jasie digitize 50+ years of l'abri lectures that are on cassette tapes. today i came across one i was hoping would be legendary. sadly, it's not what i was expecting.

i promise to post more photos soon. it takes ages to load just one, and seeing as i'm paying for this service by the minute, i'm going to wait for a more opportune time.

much love, from la suisse.

surprise visit!

so just before dinner tonight, i was walking into the kitchen when i heard kay shout, "magda!" realizing immediately that i've ever known one person called magda, i turned around and there was standing my cousin's cousin magda tigchelaar!

so my mother's brother married magda's father's sister. i guess we're not technically related, but it's still fun. neither of us knew that the other would be here, so it was an unexpected surprise. unfortunately she's only here until wednesday, but i'm glad to have another friendly face around for a few days. i'll post photos soon.

from la suisse: at last.

dearest friends and relations,

greetings from huemoz! i've been trying to blog for three weeks, but the computer situation here isn't entirely compatible with sitting down and taking my time to write something thoughtful. at the moment i'm sitting with a few friends as la gourmandine, a classy creperie just above huemoz in the ski village of villars. they have free internet here, and a kiwi friend has graciously allowed me to hijack her computer for a few moments so that i can pen a few thoughts.

i had originally intended to stay here for just 10 days, which turned into two weeks, which turned into three weeks, which turned into three months. i can't imagine now what it would have been like to stay here for just ten days. getting situated in the community here, getting on and following a particular study path, developing a relationship with my tutor (may God be merciful to you, Richard!). there's a consistency and relationship that develops with time here, and it feels so freeing to be able to ask questions freely without (most of the time) people jumping down my throat in judgment. people are shuffling through here for a few days at a time pretty often, and i don't understand how they ever get anything done. for some reason it was difficult for me to decide to stay here the whole term (not for some reason: my pragmatic nature with regard to finances), but once i decided to stay i knew it was the best thing for me. L'Abri is french for 'the shelter', and i have found it a safe place to rest, refuel, and ask questions that bug me. it's wild for me to think about people in my family that have lived here for different stretches of time: my godmother gini who was here almost 50 years ago, my mother and uncle in the late 60's - early 70's, cousins and friends more recently. it's fun to think about where they all lived, ate, places they loved to take walks and think.

we have a great group of helpers and students here this term, and most of us get along really, really well. i got an email from gini last night after she remembered that an old friend of hers (and of L'Abri's) works at a home for learning challenged children near bern. apparently they make furniture and cultivate a garden there. gini seems to think that the garden might be therapeutic in nature, which would be really interesting to investigate. an aussie horticulturist friend and i are thinking about taking a day trip up (maybe hitching a ride with gian sandri) to get a feel for the happenings there.

so this term will ends july 21, and i couldn't get a flight out until august 12, so i'll have a few weeks to kick around after everyone leaves. i've been asked to house sit for family friends in huemoz, but i'd also like to spend time at the Taizé community in france. and maybe, if my time with max (in bern) goes well, it may well be enticing to spend time with him working with the children as well. we shall see...

the flower above is one of switzerland's countless wildflowers, fields of which are aplenty on and around the mountain where we live. sadly, they are mown down from time to time. to my shame, and against my will, i weed-wacked a hillside of them last week. i'm hoping they grow back soon. i don't know the name of the flower above, but i'll find out and post it next time.

À la prochaine.

on holiday.

my last day of work.

so, at long last, i have reached the end of my employment with florida's child welfare system. it's been a long, hard year. it's been challenging and overwhelming with occasional flashes of fruitfulness. i've talked with my friends and housemates about how i'm struggling to make peace with leaving my kids behind. on one hand, most of my cases are not demanding and will survive fine after i leave. on the other hand, i have a few kids that i'm (too) emotionally involved with, and they're cases are complex and they won't be taken care of after i leave. all the same, i feel i need to leave to keep my head above. i feel like leaving is the right decision, but i can't help feeling like i could have done more, especially on my most discouraging case that i still have no closure on. walking away from someone vulnerable is always unsettling.

but tomorrow is bright.

i'm going to spend some time at swiss l'abri and in sicily, and i'm looking forward to resting. i'm anticipating an eventual relocation for school, either later this year or early next year. but until then, i feel like there's so much fresh potential for positive change. there are a lot of areas of my life that are up in the air right now, and i'm excited about what my life will look like in a year's time.

i was arranging some songs on my computer this morning, and the last few lines of brett dennen's 'don't forget' struck me as appropriate for my separation anxiety on this last day of work:

don't be afraid, should things happen to change,
'cause change can be a beautiful thing.
should things fall apart
be patient like a rainbow,
life is loving and letting go.

hangin' tough.

so i have no personal investment in kansas basketball other than having been the only person i know to have picked them to win the ncaa championship.  the game was a nail-biter, going down to the last seconds in regulation with mario chalmers (above) hitting a three with mere seconds remaining to send the game to OT.  kansas dominated thenceforth.  i won my pool for the second year in a row and hopefully my friends and co-workers will pay up (ahem) this year.  tonight was fun because i got to watch the game from beverly, massachusetts with my cousin andrew.  he was initially antagonistic and eventually solidaritous (not really a word).  my northeast tour has been a whirlwind, yet somehow refreshing voyage of meetings, tours, kind old friends, kind new friends, lavished hospitality, music, secret societies, pretending to have strokes, and my first tandem bike ride.  and lots and lots of public transportation.

andrew and i are going to spend the day together tomorrow with wee henry.  the report is that we're going to explore a beach somewhere north of here, and i'm hoping to seek out the best cappuccino in the land while we're at it.  then listen to the red sox home opener with a cup of hot tea and several delightful friends before i head back to florida.

the quiet mary knew

What they felt was this: Isn't it

Fantastically sweet beyond all other mysteries,

And yet immensely earthbound:

That he, slightly pale still from the grave,

Walked light as air toward her,

Risen in every particle of his being.

Oh it was to her first. Far beyond speech

They felt that healing.

Yes, healing was what it was

And there was no need for firm touch.

He laid for a second only

His hand, about to be

Eternal, on her woman's shoulder.

And they began

As quietly as trees in April,

Wholly mingled,

The new season

Of their deepest union

rilke's 'the quiet mary knew with the Risen Christ'. translation by robert bly.



The Lord is risen indeed! Alleluia!

Pietà

after my last post, sarah sent me stephen spender's translation (available upon request) of Rilke's before the passion.  i asked her if she would pass on his translation of the next poem in the life of the virgin mary series.  i should have posted this on thursday, because Holy Saturday is traditionally seen as the day that Jesus laid in the tomb. 

rainer maria rilke's pieta.

Now is my misery complete, and namelessly

it fills me up.  I stare here as the stone's

existence stares.

Hard as I am, I know one thing:

You had grown up -

...... and had grown up

so that, as to much pain

and quite beyond the grasping of my heart,

you should stand out.

Now you lie straight across my lap,

now I can no longer any more

bear you.

until i started writing this, i forgot that i had the humbling experience of standing in St. Peters basilica years ago and (apart from other amazing things) cast eyes upon michelangelo's masterpiece.  

may we use this last day in Lent to reflect on the darkness and hopelessness of a world without God and his grace.

thoughts from the weekend.

i had another old friend who visited over the weekend. felisa dyrud is a part of the hervey clan, who are family friends from back in our virginia theological seminary days when i was just a few years old. the herveys were missionaries in chile' for nine years and then kazakhstan for four years. i think they've lived in many other places too, but i can't remember now. felisa is the second oldest child, and we were childhood chums because we were the same age.

fast-forward: felisa met her husband, peter dyrud, at the air force academy and they've been happily married for nearly two years. peter is now at the kennedy school of government (taught by, among others, samantha power), and they live not far from my cousins in cambridge. anyway, felisa is doing some training in biloxi, ms, for six weeks and came down to run the mcguires 5k with me this weekend. i'm proud to say that i kept pace with her, because felisa won the military women's heavy (35 lbs. on her back) category at he bataan death march last year! she brought some friends down as well, and we had chilled-out beachtimes all weekend.




i heard dad preach yesterday. first time in awhile. he gave a stirring sermon on walking in the way of the cross, which you can ready briefly about here.

i was recently given a thoughtful and wonderful gift-book called the winged energy of delight. it's a collection of poems translated by robert bly. persian poets, european poets, south american poets, most of whom i don't know. but they're all so good. one newly discovered poet that i've enjoyed getting to know is rainer maria rilke. rilke was a 19th century bohemian poet who wrote beautifully about nature and seemed to be a people-watcher. there's also an acute spirituality to his poems. he penned a series called the life of the virgin mary, which consists of thirteen poems, each one dedicated to a particular time in mary's life. i'll leave you with before the passion, which is particularly appropriate for Holy Week:

O did you want this, you should not have
come from the womb of a woman:
Saviors one has to mine in the mountains,
where one breaks the rough from the rough.

Do you not feel sorry for laying waste
to your beloved valley? Behold my weakness;
I have nothing but brooks of milk and tears,
And you were always in superior numbers.

With such expense you had been announced to me.
Why did you not step out of me, wildly, immediately?
If you need only tigers to tear you apart,
why was I raised in the women's house,
to weave a soft, pure robe for you,
in which not even the seam discomforts you -
such was my whole life,
and now you suddenly reverse its nature.

may the Lord answer you...

the above video is of ben dudley, an old acquaintance of mine, at his high school graduation. i've been hearing this story for years, and he finally decided to post his shame on youtube, much to the delight of his friends. just so everyone knows, the graduation was being broadcast LIVE to several big cities in texas, and there were several thousand in attendance when this took place.
i hope you laugh as hard as i did.

ben also posted an obamania video i've never seen, with appearences by scarlett johansen, john legend, will.i.am, kareem abdul jabar (what an advantage to have dr. j on your team!), and miscellaneous cast members of lost, prison break and 24, among others. they sing the words of an obama speech.

very cool.


[when i'm wrong: my brother mark pointed out, embarrassingly, that dr. j is julius irving, not kareem abdul jabar. i stand corrected, but obama still has a dominant forward in kareem!]

leap day index.

from jessica hagy's indexed blog.

anyone have a good leap year tradition?

happy february 29th!

fathers and sons.

my dad passed on to me an article this morning about frank schaeffer's recent book, crazy for God. frank schaeffer is the son of francis schaeffer; the theologian, philosopher, and (perhaps most notably) founder of the international network of l'abri communities. i have no personal connection with the l'abri communities, but many of my friends and family members have been forever changed by the positive impact l'abri has had on their lives. the book is frank's memoir, in which he epically mocks the life and work of his parents, effectively impaling their integrity. the article was a response to the book, written by a very close, very old friend of the schaeffers: mr. os guinness. the article is, simply put, a defense of the schaeffer's integrity by someone who for years was intimately involved with their life and work. i was quite saddened after having read the article, even though guinness ends his response with great hope of a journey home.

others will no doubt be discouraged after this reading, not least of whom will be my superhuman godmother gini andrews, who also lived and worked with the schaeffers in switzerland for many years. i know she loved and respected them deeply. also my mother and uncle, whose lives were dramatically altered after experiences at l'abri. i feel in this way my brothers and i (and all our amazing cousins) are somehow marked by the work of the schaeffers, which has played a pivotal role in the history, redemption, and reconciliation of my family.

half-taxed and unburdened: the story of the danes.

an interesting piece by morley safer. more isn't better, and the american dream seems to be taking it's toll. the best predictor of happiness is close friends and close relationships. oh, and six months paternity leave doesn't hurt either.

baby di!

friends and family rejoice. my brother and sister in-law are with child. i am currently in the first trimester of the formation of my identity as uncle ben.

recent blomster.

dendrobium burana mini.

(applause).

an afternoon with my new camera.

so about two years ago, my precious camera was stolen. on several occasions, i've nearly bought both simple and extravagant replacements. i had made up my mind to make the digital switch, but my plans have been foiled. as a birthday gift, my two housemates bought me a 35mm SLR that is almost identical to the one that was lost. it was a moving few moments. quite a thoughtful gift, i think.

i'm delighted to share the first few photos from the first roll of film i shot with my new camera. and even though the process to get film photos here is more labor-intensive now, i'm happy to start shooting again.

check it. word.

frustrated florida voters.

so for the first time in a presidential election, i'm really excited about voting. before barack obama had decided to run for president, he was the keynote speaker at sojourners call to renewal conference on june 28, 2006. i can't remember who first directed me to his address, but after listening to it for the first time i was so inspired that i decided i wanted this man to be president. if you've never heard this speech, and you're at all interested in or intrigued by barack obama, or simply concerned with the intersection of faith and politics, i would recommend you give this a listen.

before recently, i'd never been registered along party lines, but when senator obama decided to run for office last year, i registered as a democrat so that i could vote for him in florida's primary. tragically, florida's democratic party has muddled all floridians' input by changing our primary date to january 29th. i suppose florida didn't want to be lumped in with massachusetts, connecticut, california, and 17 other states on 'super tuesday,' which falls this year on february 5th. because the primaries are overseen by political parties and not by the government, each party makes their own rules as to how they want the voting process to work. aside from those states which were already set to vote before february 5th, no state was (and is) permitted to move their primary to before this date. florida did, and we're paying for it. the DNC penalized florida by taking away all of our delegates, which means that it probably won't matter whether or not i vote on tuesday.

now, as i was thinking about this today, this situation presents a unique opportunity in this years primary. the democratic candidates have made a pact not to campaign here, which means no commercials, phone calls, or letters in the mail. so despite having no delegates, those who vote in florida won't have the hate-campaigns or redundant debates to pull from. and even though i could easily justify not voting, i think i will, just to see what would have happened. and just to see what a pure-ish vote-casting in florida will look like. people may just vote their consciences. and who knows? maybe the DNC will have mercy and give us our delegates in the end.

florida republicans changed their date as well, but were only penalized half their delegates. so giuliani and company are down here on the campaign trail. mitt romney was here a couple days ago, and casey and i saw john mccain's 'straight talk express' bus drive past us at a stoplight a few nights back. i hate how the process is all about momentum and waiting for candidates to slip up. i read a guy earlier today who was suggesting that states should have primaries whenever they like, but that no results should be published until all votes were cast. i think it's a great idea, but unfortunately, probably not very realistic.

on a lighter note, arianna huffington with a fresh take on polls: huffpollstrology is the huffington post's answer to america's addiction with election polls. they won't stop reporting polls, but will begin treating them as "lightweight diversions on par with horoscopes and political betting lines."

as it turns out, both ron paul and barack obama are leos. what fun.

God rest ye merry horticultural therapists.

this orchid is a cattleya hybrid of some kind. it was blooming the same time as the dancing ladies, and its flowers have now fallen off and i've divided it into four separate plants. i don't know the particular species, but i've posted an article on a gardenweb forum asking for help with identification. there's a very popular brassolaeliocattleya (blc.) that is yellow and red, which has made identification particularly difficult.

most cattleyas are not my favorite orchids (although i am fond of this specimen). they make up some of the largest orchids, their impressive flowers growing six inches and more in diameter. there happens to be a legend in the history of cattleyas which is quite interesting. legend has it that the first cattleya species were actually used as packing material for other plants in early nineteeth century england. out of curiosity, william cattley (their eventual namesake) potted one of them up. when one finally bloomed, it sparked mr. cattley's lifelong obsession of collecting and cataloging the species. the very first cattleya hybrid was registered on january 1, 1863, and was so beautiful that it's still produced today. pretty cool story, i guess. it would have been fascinating to have discovered and collected so many new flowers. so much wonder and excitement. it's not hard to envy those on the frontiers of botany, like orchid hunter steve perlman and rock-star botanist ken wood. these guys must love their jobs. someday i'll love my job...

speaking of loving jobs, i ran into an old professor recently who sparked some genuine excitement. dr. babcock was my favorite social work professor. she would put us in groups and get us to discuss controversial topics which would usually lead to a handful of students yelling at one another. but it was good. she made us think. she stood head and shoulders above the rest of the faculty. my other professors seemed to enjoy making social work out to be a happy-go-lucky profession that wouldn't require much preparation or investment. i literally went through entire classes without learning a single thing.
but i digress.

i told dr. babcock about how i've become quite interested in horticultural therapy as a rehabilitative method, about how i love flowers and such. she thought i was joking at first, because it turns out that she's a fan or HT herself. she told me that just last year she applied for a grant to build a therapeutic garden that would exist for children in florida's child welfare system (a slightly different spin than traditional therapy with children with chronic illness, those with mental disabilities, and the geriatric population). she was denied the grant, but was thrilled at my interest in HT and told me about the wonderful experience she had at the enid a. haupt glass gardens at nyu's rusk institute. the rusk institute is a rehabilitative hospital whose mission is "to provide patients with the necessary physical, social, emotional, vocational, and recreational skills to reach the highest possible levels of independence and quality of life." the institute treats patients across a continuum of care that is incredibly broad and which (not surprisingly) includes horticultural therapy. if you're at all interested in rehabilitative medicine or networks of varied care, you simply must check out the rusk institute. i've been in touch with the directors about training and internships, and they were very warm and informative. i would love to spend some time studying or working there. interestingly, the senior horticultural therapist there is an MSW.

running into dr. babcock was great.

i've been reading through the brothers karamazov. i'll leave you with my favorite quote so far:

Do not be afraid of anything, never be afraid, and do not grieve. Just let repentence not slacken in you, and God will forgive everything. There is not and cannot be in the whole world such a sin that the Lord will not forgive one who truly repents of it. A man even cannot commit so great a sin as would exhaust God's boundless love. How could there be a sin that exceeds God's love? Only take care that you repent without ceasing, and chase away fear altogether. Believe that God loves you so as you cannot conceive of it; even with your sin and in your sin he loves you. And there is more joy in heaven over one repentent sinner than over ten righteous men - that was said long ago. Go, then, and do not be afraid. Do not be upset with people, do not take offense at their wrongs. Forgive the dead man in your heart for all the harm he did you; and be reconciled with him truly. If you are repentant, it means that you love. And if you love, you already belong to God ... With love everything is bought, everything is saved. If even I, a sinful man, just like you, was moved to tenderness and felt pity for you, how much more will God be. Love is such a priceless treasure that you can buy the whole world with it, and redeem not only your own but other people's sins. Go, and do not be afraid.

- the elder zosima to the woman who whispered in dostoevsky's
the brothers karamazov

my oldest friend.

just before Christmas, i had dinner with an old friend. blake munroe was one of my first best friends, but sadly i hadn't seen him in nearly 20 years. somewhere in my formed memory of blake, i came to think he was from haiti. it turns out he was born in calcutta, india, in a mission of nuns dedicated to taking in children who would otherwise be abandoned. blake and his sister amy were adopted by richard and anita munroe, who were our next-door neighbors in fairhope, alabama, when i was six years old. my memories of blake include pirate birthday parties, trick-or-treating together, and trying to sell honeysuckle to neighborhood softies. blake now lives in nashville, tennessee, and works in the music business. it was great catching up.

here's to old friends.